One of the hardest things for any of us to accept is the possibility that what we had our hearts set on doing/achieving/loving isn’t going to happen. I think this is particularly true in love.
Getting to know a person is an awesome undertaking. It takes an enormous amount of time, effort, and patience. And courage. Opening your heart to another person, who is often a total stranger in the beginning, takes guts. It really does.
Which is why I think so many of us are reluctant to face the music when it becomes clear that Mr. Right is Mr. Not Right for Me. You mean I have to start all over again from scratch? Ugh.
One of yoga’s (many) great lessons is that you practice letting stuff come to you. In order to do this you have to cultivate a mindset of openness, and of possibilities. You have to accept that your brain might not have all of the answers.
Rarely, it seems, do we do this. When we do start dating again, often it’s with the same list of requirements that led us down a dead end in the first (and second and third) place. Of course, we demand honesty, integrity, and niceness. But beyond that we look for partners of a certain height, age, weight, financial status, and education. We care if he wants kids or a dog or prefers living in the city or the suburbs. And on and on it goes, for both parties.
My theory is that these requirements are more about ourselves and our goals and dreams then they are about him. So letting go of them and opening yourself up to the possibility that the right guy for you isn’t Mr. New York City Businessman but Mr. Texas Ranch Guy can seem downright impossible. That is not the movie I imagined for myself.
When you factor in all of the other lists of requirements we keep—about our jobs, kids, houses, clothes, cars, and friends—it’s no wonder that so many of us struggle. There are a lot of expectations to meet and dreams to keep alive.
Often, these lists are artificial constructs that, rather than keeping us on track, may be steering us into a ditch. Sometimes the best course of action is the one you aren’t even aware of because you’ve been so focused on what you want, rather than what’s best for you. And if you aren’t open to seeing the possibilities and opportunities before you, how will you ever know what might have been?
You have to be open. When you step onto your mat, are you truly free of your preconceived notions of what you think you want to do? Are you receptive to the idea of letting this yoga practice (and the next one and the one after that) evolve organically, without direction from your ego?
An open mind is different than your intuition, which is what guides your actions. It’s what you follow. You need both an open mind and your intuition to practice. It’s the openness that allows the intuition to enter. If you’re not open, you can’t be intuitive, which means you’re making decisions based on less-than-the-best information you’ve got. Don’t be surprised if that doesn’t work out so well.
I think of all of the concepts that I talk about with my students, being open is the hardest one for people to master (including experienced yogis and teachers). Many students place a lot of demands on the teacher, believing there are certain things you have to do in a yoga class. You must do sun salutations. You must do an inversion and if you’re doing shoulder stand you must do fish pose after it. You must finish with corpse pose, or savasana.
On top of this, students place a lot of demands on themselves. I must touch the floor in a standing forward fold. I must do more abdominal crunches than anyone else. I must look good in the poses.
