When we treat ourselves, be it in cookie form or a night spent watching TV, having someone do it with us tends to make us feel less guilty. When I lived with a boyfriend in college, eating dessert shortly before falling asleep to a Law and Order marathon became a ritual I thought was harmless. Turns out, though, live-in partners can harm us more than we realize.
Recently, Time magazine published a study about the issue of significant others and obesity. After studying almost 7,000 people over the course of a few years, researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that those who entered relationships and moved in with their significant others were twice as likely to be overweight as their single-living peers.
Such findings aren’t exactly surprising—after all, coupledom often means eating out more and spending more time cuddling on the couch in lieu of going to the gym. However, the study also showed that the risk for a woman becoming obese rose the more time she lived with her mate, whereas for men, the obesity risk averaged highest during the first two years. I decided to seek out two perspectives—one from a nutritionist, the other from two couples counselors—to figure out why women who cohabitate are so much more likely than men to become obese as the years go by.
Putting “We” Before “Me”
I spoke with two MFTs (Marriage Family Therapists), Jodi Perelman and Sandy Roos. I also consulted Rania Batayneh, a nutritionist and wellness coach. While they each had varying interpretations of the study and its results, all of them touched on one important thing that tends to happen when couples move in together—women giving up self-focus. Instead of taking care of themselves, many women’s priorities shift to the relationship and tending to their partners’ needs, putting a great deal of pressure on themselves. “I think a lot of it is the way women care for people and what they’re willing to compromise,” Rania suggests. “Men are typically cared for by their mothers and girlfriends … and women want to please their partners.”
