Having inner support is extremely important because if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? However, many of us have spouses, friends, or family members that are around us often and love to give us their words of advice (regardless of our desire to hear them). Therefore, this article is not only for everyone out there trying to lose weight; it is also for all the people around you.
Most often, I find women who want to lose weight, yet their husbands are sneaking their way in to make this task very difficult. Now, I am not generalizing here, there are many men and women who support each other wholeheartedly. If that is you, kudos. For all the others, please read on.
I had a client whose husband constantly talked about how much she was paying me to lose weight. I had another client whose husband complained that she worked out too much and wasn’t home to take care of stuff. I had a client that complained that her husband cooked fattening food and brought home too many goodies. I had a client whose mother would constantly talk about her constant weight gain and what she was planning to do about it. And many more! What this tells me is that their outer support was really lacking. Not only did they lack inner strength (and anyone that has dieted or is being told they suck will), but they also had everything else working against them. No support.
In order to move forward when you have everything else working against you, you must find your inner strength and support and be willing to have some uncomfortable conversations. Here is the truth:
1. Anyone trying to lose weight is lacking more self-love than any external person can imagine. (So there is no reason to add to it!)
2. Every negative comment towards someone’s body image when they have put on weight, will only drive said person like a mummy towards the freezer and into the tub of ice cream.
3. If an external person believes that their comments about someone’s weight is going to actually help them lose weight, they are delusional and probably thin.
4. If you want to support someone in their weight loss, your best bet is to shut your mouth, give them a hug, and tell them you love them.
5. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
6. If you think showing concern (wrinkled forehead, half turned down mouth, and a sigh) is going to get someone who is overweight into the gym and a health food store, once again, you are delusional and probably thin.
7. Showing outer support simply means you will smile when they work out, and tell them that it’s okay when they reach for food for emotional support.
8. Showing outer support simply means you tell someone only the things they are good at, and leave out the fact that maybe they can’t draw a stick figure or sing a note in key.
9. Showing outer support simply means you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, mention anything about their weight, body image or anything that has to do with the size of anything.
10. Showing support is all about the things you don’t say.
If you have fears that not saying anything to someone who has gained weight will somehow allow them to spiral into being 600 pounds and bed ridden, you are mistaken. The more someone has room to love themselves, and the bigger safe space you create for them, the easier it is for the weight to mysteriously fall off our bodies, never to return. If you are someone that could show better outer support or if you need to show this to someone who has not been giving you outer support, please do so promptly. If they have a bone to pick they can take it up with me (feel free to give them my phone number, email, address or any other form of finding me).
