Mashed potatoes and gravy, roast beef, hot chocolate, warm homemade cookies and milk, macaroni and cheese, hot fudge sundaes, and Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls … these are a few of my favorite comfort foods. Maybe some of them are also yours, or maybe you would add different ones to the list. They are those forms of sustenance that play a larger role—not just nourishing our bodies, but soothing our souls when things aren’t exactly right.
Things weren’t exactly right for me this past fall. In September I was diagnosed with a recurrence of ovarian cancer. I spent much of that month recovering from a hysterectomy and experiencing the side effects of having a lot fewer hormones coursing through my body … mood swings, fatigue, hot flashes, etc. I was also emotionally fraught trying to come to terms with the fact that though I had fought cancer and won four short years ago, yet another battle was looming.
It is not the diagnosis so much as the treatment that causes so much dread in the heart of a cancer patient. I watch pharmaceutical ads on television that are required to state the long list of side effects—incontinence, depression, suicidal thoughts, night sweats, kidney problems, etc. etc.—and I wonder who would ever want to take these drugs? I have been through chemotherapy once, and I wasn’t eager to do it again. Though I tolerated the side effects well, it was still a miserable four months for me, and it took my hair more than a year to regain a somewhat normal state.
This time though, I was mostly concerned about the long-term effects—the stuff they don’t necessarily tell you about unless you are savvy enough to ask. My savvy has been increased by friends who are experiencing secondary cancers that are a result of the treatment from their primary cancer. What? Chemo and radiation can actually cause cancer? When you hear the C word and you are scared, you will do whatever you’re told to rid your body of the ravaging monster of disease. But once you’ve already been down that path, and you know what it holds, the second time around can cause you to question things more.
My questioning has led me to an alternative treatment plan this time. In some ways, this path has been much easier than the first time. From outside appearances, nothing really seems wrong. I look normal, feel really good, and can function pretty much as I did before the diagnosis. Internally though, this time around has been somewhat harder. Emotional issues have distracted me from my normally productive frame of mind. I just haven’t felt as on top of things as I usually do.
