Carl Jung was my doctor. I read all his books many times until I completely understood everything he had written. I precisely studied his psychology and his method of dream interpretation because I was depressed, neurotic, and I had suicidal thoughts. My case was serious.
I was always afraid to become schizophrenic like my father. He was a horrible creature to everyone. Unfortunately, when I became an adult, I understood that I really had inherited his absurdity.
This was a shocking realization, but I knew that there was something good in my heart. I couldn’t be only a cruel monster without human feelings. When I was a child I was very sensitive and generous. However, with time, I became cold and indifferent to other people’s pain. I was like an iceberg. What had happened to my goodness?
Jung’s method of dream interpretation helped me understand why I was suffering from strange symptoms. For example, I could not control my thoughts. I had repeated thoughts of revenge when someone would do something against me. I could not stop thinking about them, no matter how much I would try to. These strange thoughts were not a product of my will. I understood that I was crazy.
Anything would make me angry. I was always irritated, and I had too much hatred in my heart. I became very afraid of my reactions when I understood that I was easily dominated by these feelings of hatred.
I continued Carl Jung’s research because I needed more answers. Besides this fact, the unconscious mind was sending me dreams that were encouraging me to continue his research from the point he had abandoned it.
I had to discover the anti-conscience that Jung couldn’t see. The anti-conscience is our animal and evil wild conscience. I understood that I was so cruel and violent because I had almost lost my human conscience. My anti-conscience was controlling my mind and my behavior.
My dreams reflected images of people who were like zombies without blood. These people were parts of my own personality. These dreams were showing me the bitter truth; I had lost my humanity.
