I have not written for so many years. My life has been through so many ups and downs since I miscarried in 2008. I have moved to another continent. I had a real bad time in a hospital, almost losing my memory and myself. I slowly recovered with time, and realized time is a great healer. I found a job with a lot of difficulty after not being able to work because of a stupid work permit all these years.
After I found work, I thought this is the end of my worries, but no. My brother-in-law had to come live with us. He has always been so proud of I don’t know what. But my husband just gives him more and more encouragement to be that way. So I come back home from work and have to keep seeing both of them watching TV together, laughing, sharing jokes, etc. It used to get on my nerves.
Now I have moved to another job. I find the people there, they talk like sugar dripping from their mouths, when they talk, but they talk really bad things about each other behind every person’s back. I can’t stand them, but I have to work. I have no children and that adds a third angle to my problem. I cannot talk to anybody about these issues. Go to work, there are issues; come back home, see these two people’s faces; and then I see my own self in the mirror and feel all I can do is cry. No way out. Maybe one day my husband will come and say, “I am leaving, now you are on your own.” That will be the end of everything, I guess.
All I can think of now is bad things happening to me and to all that I love. I am trapped in myself with no way out. Only God can help me now.
