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I’m Gonna Die

By: Chelsea (View Profile)

You know those pictures on the internet of girls that are found dead lying beneath the toilet, surrounded by their own vomit and blood?

I hope that is never me. I hope.

Although, the way things have been going, I can say I’m immune.

I don’t know how to do it. I keep trying, and succeed, but the success is only short lived, as the relapse takes a turn for the worst.

I am now worse than I ever have been. I’m gonna die. And I cry here in my bed, with my new dog Peyton.

I’m so scared! I don’t want to die!

First published May 2008

4 readers liked this story.

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Key terms (tags) for this article:
crying, bulimia, eating disorder, stress, relapse, die (view other popular tags)

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Comments

Hi all. It is Dec. 16th 2009. I am alive. And I am well. I am great!! I appreciate all the love and support! Please read my new article "A Bronze Medal" Thanks!! LOVE YOU ALL

TIS' JUNE 3RD TUESDAY AND I HOPE THAT YOU ARE ALIVE AND IN GOOD HEALTH. I HOPE THAT YOU GET BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY.

'Tis the 29th day of May, 2008, Caroline. I hope you're still alive, please reply. If you're read this, snap out of it, you're a beautiful girl. It would be a life wasted if you succumb to your affliction. You gotta have a will to live, believe me, it's a big world out there and it's just waitin' for you to explore it. It a magnificient realm, with hidden treasures and amazing cultures, with exotic foods and drinks, and the partying is wild and uninhibited. You just don't know what you're missing. I hope my message is not in vain ... you'll be in my nightly prayer, Darlin'!

Try not to lose sight of the goal: healing yourself. As you know, recovery is difficult, terrifying but it IS possible. You CAN do it. Every day will be a struggle, but everyday comes with the possibility to succeed. I believe in you. Be gentle.