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Am I Depressed ...

By: Mary (View Profile)

Am I depressed ...

I have lost my joy, for the last eighteen months I have not been the same, sometimes I don’t even know who I am.

I am a twenty-seven-year-old virgin and all I wonder is will I ever find the right man for me and get married; I feel so lonely.

I have helped raise so many other people’s kids but I long so bad to have kids of my own that it hurts.

I want so bad to get out and do stuff with friend but at the same time all I want to be is alone.

My family lives so far away and I want to be near but every bit of me wants to stay where I am.

I work a third shift job, making close to nothing and have almost no life but yet I don’t want to change jobs.

I am a recovering bulimic and all I can do is think of purging and how much comfort I found in it.

I wear a mask so well that even I can’t tell I have a problem.

If this is not depression then what, whatever it is I want out, I don’t want it anymore, I’m tired!!

First published March 2009

3 readers liked this story.

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Key terms (tags) for this article:
virgin, depressed, sad, lonely, bulemia, looking for comfort (view other popular tags)

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Comments

I feel your pain. I too have few friends and I have no family in which to connect with. You , my dear, have inspired others with your article Is There a God? God wishes you to take up your Bed and follow Him. He has a work for you that requires energy and fortitude. I am attempting to gain energy. You are gifted with a ministry that may in time led to a special person in your life. Seek that ministry and I have faith that everything else will fall in place. You will then be more fulfilled, less inclined to harm self due to recognizing your value and anger will tend to settle to none. You have a quite a gift in relating to others. Every story you write touches others. Reach out in faith, leave your dwelling , find God in others. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, you are strong in Christ.

Hi mary, i sent you a message hoping to talk to you. It was a wonderful article, brought me to tears....

#1, you seem like u are very overwhelmed w/all u have on your very overflowing plate. It must be hard to be unable to be close to family & have a support system. It is amazing how medications help w/depression. If you have a family dr. or can find one that isn't going to chop off a arm or other part of your body to see them, make an appt. asap! You don't want to get to the pt. of no return. Also, try to fit in exercise into your schedule (even 15 min. a day can make you feel better). Also, reach out of your comfort zone. I had to do this myself and I found it very rewarding as always being a shy person. Especially nowadays, so many people need someone to just listen (like u do) to them and have someone care. Also, pray. Talk to God and tell Him how u feel. Even though u may not think He's there - He is & has a plan for u. U just have to trust. Also, I married at 22 just 'cause everyone else was already/planning to marry - don't make this mistake - also, enjoy little things