As anyone who has ever struggled with depression or chronic pain will tell you, it sucks.
Last year I was depressed for several reasons. I hated my job, I hated my illness and I hated my inability to find my purpose.
I was bored and frustrated at work. The students that I taught are amazing individuals and my administrators were pretty wonderful people. However, the fatigue of chronic pain coupled with the tenacity that being a good teacher takes were just kicking my butt.
I came home from work every day and went straight to my bedroom to sleep. I was exhausted from the day of teaching and from the anger and sorrow that came with having problems walking.
The doctors weren’t helping my Psoriatic Arthritis, the medications weren’t helping, either. The psychologist wasn’t helping and my environment sure wasn’t helping, either. At my lowest point it was only my friends and family that I was living for because if I had been in isolation I would probably have committed suicide. I was actually frustrated that I DID have people to live for because that meant I had to suffer through this.
However, it was about that time that I decided that if I was going to have a limited reserve of energy I was going to spend it writing and making art and crafts. I was only going to do things that made me truly happy. I was going to be extremely, deliberately selfish.
I started an art journal, where I also followed the morning pages exercizes from The Artist’s Way. I discovered Suzi Blu and her fantastic, whimsical world of art at www.suziblu.ning.com. I created paintings, colored pencil sketches, collages, dream boards and mixed-media pieces. I re-taught myself to knit through my local yarn store, youtube and books.
Every time I would dip that brush or scratch out a sketch, every time I would cast on for a scarf or a sock, my pain would take a back seat to my artistry. I pour out my emotions in art, feeling separate from my pain; eclipsed in the flow of making art.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I believe that art heals. I am in the process of applying to become a Master’s candidate for an Art Therapy program next fall. I truly, deeply believe that if this is what has saved me, I can teach other people to use it to save them, too.
Have you made art lately? How does art make you feel?