4Women.com invited the author of Nowhere Hair to write a guest blog regarding her recent publication!
“How in the world will I tell my kids?”
Like a lightening bolt this thought travels up from your toes, wraps around your heart, and ties up your lips. A cancer diagnosis is bad enough to digest. The idea of having to explain the unexplainable to young children is breathtakingly hard. And it’s certainty not a conversation that you’ve considered before the moment of your diagnosis.
And yet, you must.
I am fortunate that my son at the time of my diagnosis was too little to really understand. At a bit over one year old, he simply liked to rub my bald head and giggle. He didn’t care a wit that I was bald. But I certainly saw lots of other children at the park and in the grocery store that understood clearly that this bald woman was different than everyone else. Because of those experiences, and because I am a writer by trade, I turned my attention post treatment to creating a book that would explain a cancer diagnosis of a loved one to young children.
The following are things to consider during a time when words are often hard to find.
Children know something is up. Even if you believe saying nothing will effectively hide the truth from them, it won’t. They know you better than you think. And they have crazy good ears. And friends that ask hard, scary questions (even the little ones). Children who hear the truth from their parents upfront will have less anxiety, and that is one less thing you have to worry about.
Your cancer is not their fault. Not eating your peas didn’t cause Mommy to get cancer. Or yelling at your little brother. Even though Mom almost lost her mind last week when you had to be asked twelve times not to jump on the couch, and she yelled, this did not cause her to get cancer. Feeling guilty is a very real emotion that children can carry around after a diagnosis. Tell them straight out that nothing they did, or said, caused you to get cancer.
Cancer is not contagious. Thankfully. They can give kisses and hold hands and hug just like always. In fact, there’s no better time to be loving.
