Artists are not known for being particularly good at life. The requisite self-absorption seems to make many writers, painters, and other creative types run the gamut from merely pensive or vaguely misanthropic all the way to narcissistic psychotics. I don’t really believe that art demands a tortured soul. I do believe it requires a lot more hours dedicated to craft and a lot less reliance on the vagaries of talent than most people want to admit. And I feel the same way about life. I think having a life that is full of things rich and rewarding has little to do with luck—assuming that the basic human need for some degree of comfort and security have been met—and a lot to do with skill. I also believe that the skill of living, in the sense of living as a creative act that seeks to express beauty, joy, insight, and intelligence, is something that can be learned. I know the things I have studied as I have sweated over the effort of becoming a writer have spilled over to the rest of my days. And that the better I have become at writing, the better I have become at living. Here are some of the lessons I have learned at both endeavors.
Study the masters.
Writers read. Painters go to museums. Athletes watch other athletes. We can do the same thing with our lives. I ask couples who seem happy how they got that way, how they’ve stayed that way. I ask successful people how they got that way. I hang out with people I admire. Of course, I help people when they need it and lend support to those that are struggling. But I also know that I only got to be a good mountain biker by biking with those who were already much better than I was, and I only got to be a good writer by reading and studying with those who had already achieved greatness.
Determine the POV.
The strongest stories have the strongest narrators. The books we remember most are not for the plot, but for how the main characters navigated the plot they were thrust into. It’s the same in life. The people we most admire, most like, most emulate are those who are most themselves, whatever that self may be. They know who they are, what matters to them, and they operate from a place of integrity and alignment, even if they are very different characters than we are ourselves. These people are memorable, admirable even, not because they are saintly or have all the answers, but because they have the strongest points of view.
Don’t edit too much too soon.
We worry too much about getting things ‘right.’ Most times, there is no right. There is what works, but the only way to find that is to try things. Lots of them. When we write, we are told to start by just getting the words onto the page. Lots of them. If we start censuring ourselves right out of the box, we may miss the unexpected, the welcome surprise, the intuitive leap. The same applies to the rest of our endeavors. I once had a friend who was frequently frozen in place by her fears of what might happen three or four or ten steps down the path of whatever she was considering undertaking. She seemed incapable of recognizing that those further steps would probably never happen the way she imagined. Even more important they were surely never going to happen in any way shape or form if she was unwilling to take at least the very first step in some direction, any direction, at all.
When you’re ready, edit ruthlessly.
The most important decision in any piece of writing is usually not what you leave in, but what you take out. The same goes for life. People often say, “Where do you find the time?” The answer is, I don’t. There are only twenty-four hours in a day for each and every one of us, and we have more power than we give ourselves credit for to figure out exactly what we want to put on the blank pages of our days. Sometimes it’s not easy to set boundaries, but without them, our stories, our writing, our lives get lost and wander without direction. They say about writing, if a word isn’t working, if it doesn’t have a job to do, cut it out. Because if it’s not helping you, it is by default hurting you. Be brave, be bold, but also be focused, be precise, be a good editor of your writing and your life.
