In my own mind-body health maintenance plan, I have recently been focusing on being as completely authentic as possible. I’ve noticed over the years that the more tuned in to my body I am, the more it leads me to be completely honest with myself about myself.
Before my years of vulvodynia, irritable bowel syndrome, and interstitial cystitis, I did a lot of hiding from myself and others. I was afraid to be who I really was and spent many an hour criticizing myself and avoiding looking at what I really wanted out of life. I worried constantly about what others thought of me and sought approval and validation outside of myself. I couldn’t love me, so I wanted other people to do the job. Turns out it doesn’t work that way.
My body, under the constant stress of me rejecting myself, soon balked. As many of you know, the road to pain relief includes accepting yourself—all parts of yourself—learning how to love who you really are, and live your life authentically. This might mean something concrete and obvious, like shifting your career to mirror your life calling, or something more subtle like expressing your true opinions and emotions instead of making them wrong. It might mean doing both.
I have found that to stay pain-free, I must continually be aware of any attempts to hide and, instead, bravely be myself. First, alone, and then with others. The moment I forget to do this, I accumulate tension somewhere in my body, and we all know that is the precursor to pain. Though being completely authentic might sound scary at first, I’ve learned that it’s worth the initial eeek! you might feel every time you go one level deeper. The rewards include pain-relief, good-bye vulvodynia etc., and also the incredibly important but often overlooked experience we call joy.
As I’ve shed a few more layers in the last couple of months, I’ve reveled in an ever-increasing state of authenticity and joy. You’ll notice I wrote about being not okay and about implementing the self-love practice I call the “Love List.” I’ve given myself the homework of being absolutely real in each and every post. It’s sometimes a little scary, but it’s always worth it.
The funny thing about hiding is that we usually only think we’re hiding something. Then, when we’re not looking, it squeezes out through the cracks and becomes blatantly obvious to those around us. So, hiding is utterly useless anyway.
