I’ve had what you can call an up-and-down, all-or-nothing life. In childhood I would often stay home to avoid school and the kids there who I never quite fit in with. In my teens, I was severely depressed and diagnosed with chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and even ADD at one point. None of the meds worked. In my twenties, things seemed to improve, at least when things were going well socially and in school.
Then in my late twenties I had a gradual breakdown. Major highs and lows, and then such major lows I literally had no hope or motivation. My husband insisted in undergoing medical care and this all led to a diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, mixed with anxiety and IBS. I am now undergoing what will be a lifetime of therapy and a cocktail of bipolar meds, which are helping.
I am what most consider a success. I have a well-paying, professional job—the job I went to school for. I have lots of good friends. I am married (no kids, by choice) to a man who supports and cares about me and accepts me, flaws and all. I moved across the country during the beginning of my mental breakdown to the city I’ve always dreamed of living, and love it here. It’s been almost three years, and since then, I’ve landed this job and grown a lot as a person.
I also have secret non-successes. Sometimes I stare at my computer all day and literally accomplish nothing in my nine-hour workday. I am having an emotional affair with a married man, my former boss. I drink so much I am pretty sure I am an alcoholic. I am overly self-critical to the point of hating myself and having an epic guilt complex for not being perfect.
So, I am working on those shortcomings and have collected a lot of tips for being a highly functional bipolar individual (this term was coined by my shrink, who was surprised at my professional success, ability to manage my money, maintain my marriage, and have received an advanced degree . . . without any major personal disasters or suicide attempts).
So, how can someone with bipolar be “highly functional?”
- Accept that you will have good days and bad days. On the bad days, give yourself a break. Remind yourself that your brain is doing something wonky and it will level out eventually . . . you can’t “snap out of it” or control everything.
- When you need to cry, cry—but only when you’re alone. This can be in the shower or after a long day. But for the time you need to keep it together (work, while being social, etc.), do so. Just keep telling yourself in one, six, or ten more hours, you will let yourself fall apart.
- Don’t drink more than one or two drinks on occasion, tops. I know, it’s hard . . . if it’s impossible, you need AA or a med adjustment. Remind yourself of the depressing crash you experience when the booze wears off. Take an anxiety pill (or two) instead. This is the hardest one for me, because a glass of wine sure helps numb my mind when it’s racing better than anything else I’ve tried.
- Don’t hesitate to distance yourself from “toxic” people. These are people who make you feel bad about yourself, who wear you out, who don’t support you, and generally just make your bipolar symptoms worse. You may decide to just avoid them temporarily or cut them out of your life for good. It’s your life and your choice. You need to do what’s best for you.
- When you’re manic, indulge a few of your urges. Buy one little fun thing instead of ten. Don’t spend to escape your feelings though. It won’t work—you’ll just want more, and feel more empty.
