How often do you say “no”? How would your life be different if you were able to say no more often? This is a difficult skill to master, and yet, without learning to say yes to ourselves, many of us are left participating in meaningless activities and time wasters. Saying “no” isn’t easy, especially for women. Perhaps we don’t want to let others down, or we feel we owe it to them, or possibly we’re just trying to be nice. By practicing the art of saying no, we can begin to say yes to ourselves and create more time, feel better, and produce more results in our lives. These four key steps will help you get started.
Step One: What is Important to You?
Have you ever really asked yourself, what matters to me? What is important to me? Is it family? Success? Time? Money? Only you can answer this question. Write down your answers and assign a numerical value of importance to each heading. Don’t let your inner critic or anyone else’s voice interrupt you or get you off track. Wendy knew her time with her children was a top priority as well as her physical exercise and job obligations. She wanted to get to the top of her company and have time with her children. When she was forced to assign a value to these areas of her life, her children came first, her physical exercise second, and her job third.
Step Two: Decide on Your Priorities
Now that you’re clear about what is really important to you, break this down even further and decide on three priorities for yourself for each day. For example, Caroline took two minutes each night to write down her priorities for the next day. She put these on a post-it note and kept it in a place that she could see. This important step helps you clarify not just your priorities, but also gives you a compass as you navigate through each day.
Step Three: Don’t Let Anything Get You Off-Track
Next, it is important to not let anything get you off-track. Maxine identified her priorities for the day as follows: 1) complete an important project at work, 2) celebrate her child’s birthday, and 3) successfully deliver a lunch presentation. That morning, her co-worker asked Maxine to help him with a different project. Maxine really wanted to help out, but she knew this wasn’t in line with her priorities. Maxine came up with a creative way to say no that worked for both of them. Maxine let her friend know that she would like to help him, but she probably wouldn’t be able to do it that day. But, if she finished everything she needed to do, she might be able to help him at the end of the day.
Step Four: Practice, Practice, Practice
It’s hard to say no and the only way to get better at it is to practice. This may seem awkward to practice, but just saying the words out loud and walking through situations in your mind will build your confidence. Try making up a pretend scene and practice some dialogue around saying no. How does that feel? Are you improving your skills? As you’re practicing, try to think of creative solutions that are win-win for everyone.
The art of saying no and yes really comes down to two things. First, how well do you know yourself and second, how well are you valuing yourself? The more you feel comfortable wit this, the better you will be at handling objections from others and your inner critic. Once you are in tune with your needs and priorities, saying yes to yourself and no to others will get easier, and you will notice a big difference in your life
© 2007 Carrie Silver-Stock All Rights Reserved.
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