Dear Lisa,
I have tried everything from sleeping pills to hypnosis and nothing seems to help my insomnia. It started with the birth of my son over a year ago. Even though he is sleeping through the night now, I got into the habit of waking up every two hours and cannot seem to break it. Every night I toss and turn and at most, I get two hours of uninterrupted sleep. When I wake up, I’m exhausted. My irritation and fatigue are at the breaking point, and both my job and relationships are suffering. Please help.—Janice, London, England
A Simple Approach
Perhaps some simple, practical changes could help. When I have insomnia, I increase the amount I exercise early in the day so I relieve physical tension and feel more tired toward the end of the day. I also keep my bedroom uncluttered and white. This soothes me and allows my tired mind to feel rested. I think it’s all about changing your stress level in the day, so that night time can feel more relaxed.—D. Jackson, New Canaan, CT
Empathy and Encouragement
I have been experiencing a similar problem since the birth of my second child. I spend hours in bed trying to fall asleep with no results; things usually get worse the more I try to convince my mind to shut off. Of course, my case is not comparable to what you’re experiencing, but I empathize with you because I was sleep deprived for many months after the birth of my daughter (she was screaming all night), and it nearly destroyed my marriage and my health.
Now, the only recipe that holds my sanity intact is a change of ambience. A visit to my mother’s, where she sleeps with the kids, or an odd weekend away with my husband does wonders, and most of the time I manage a full night of sleep! I hope you find the recipe that works for you. Good luck with parenthood.—Kremena, London, England
Expert View
New research shows that over 70 percent of women experience chronic sleep problems at some point in their lives. The multiple roles we juggle, monthly hormonal flux, and menopause put women at higher risk than men for sleep disorders.
You write that your problems began with the birth of your son. This is a very common complaint. Waking regularly with small children creates erratic sleep patterns and interrupted sleep for any parent.
The preferred treatment for insomnia is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Gone are the days when doctors happily dispensed mother’s little helpers in the form of valium and other sedatives. These pills may work in the short-term, but the body adjusts relatively quickly, making the additional sleep you get from a sleeping pill just twenty-five minutes more a night. This is a high price to pay for the fatigue, moodiness, impaired thinking, and clumsiness reported by regular users of these pills.
Cognitive behavioral therapy works by targeting three areas that support sleepless nights. These areas are thoughts, behaviors, and physical tension. CBT targets thoughts like I’m too stressed to ever sleep again, which help create the anxiety that is associated with insomnia. By taking a close look at your beliefs and thoughts, you can modify them to support you. The above thought might become I am stressed and tired from lack of sleep. Yet, before my son was born, I easily slept through the night. Thus, I am more than capable of sleeping soundly again.
CBT also helps you gain insight about your actual sleep patterns and modify your behavior accordingly. Your practitioner will ask you to keep a diary of times you retire and wake. After a week of consistent monitoring, you may be surprised to find that you are actually sleeping more or less than you originally thought. The next behavioral step is to create a soothing sleep routine. You would never put a child to bed at erratic hours, or without a story and a snuggle. You need to nurture yourself too, especially since you are feeling depleted and exhausted.
