Life with an Eating Disorder

I always wondered how it was to be anorexic and I sort of wanted to be. I would read all I could about it. I would even try to become it. After reading that you can chew and then spit the food out. Sort of like eating and enjoying food and not gaining weight. So I started to do that. I remember when I was only in sixth grade I would chew the food at lunch and pretend I swallowed it but I know sounds gross but I would keep it in my mouth until I got the chance to go to the bathroom and spit it out. I started to exercise every second of the day.

Soon my whole life began to be about loosing weight. I was told by everyone how skinny I was getting and to gain weight but I took that as a compliment and wanted to keep it up. I also wondered how it was to throw up the food. I knew your supposed to eat so much food so then your body will make you throw it up but I was scared I would eat all that but my body wouldn’t throw it up and I would gain weight. I got the courage one day and surprisingly enough I got addicted and threw up at least two times a day. I tried to hide so my family wouldn’t see how skinny I was but they saw. They would yell at me so much so I gained like five pounds on purpose now I weighed about seventy pounds and I was in the seventh. My family was happy that I at least did that. Sadly, today I am twenty-four and I weigh ninety-five point five pounds.

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From Around the Web:
08.20.2008
Wontonsushi
As I peek around the internet this morning, looking for true, honest, inspirational stories about recovery, I have yet to find one!! I would love to be the one to contribute, but I myself am no where near recovered. And I am starting to wonder if there really is a light at the end of the tunnel at all, or if we are all damned to be kept in the dark tunnel and in our own minds forever.
It feels good to write.

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