My dad went to prison, after being in jail for almost a year. He has been moved around a few times, but is there still and he may die there. He has found out just recently that he is a diabetic. It has helped him to receive encouragement through letters from my mom, and other family and friends. For me to come to terms with it, took a lot of prayer, counseling, talking with friends, getting encouragement from the church, and just a lot of crying. I’m still working through it, but I’m not angry about it anymore. I write to my dad now, and I always hear back from him. I will never forget what happened, but I do miss him and still love him very much, and I make sure to let him know that with each letter I write. My daughter also loves him very much and misses him. She knows that he is sorry for what he did, and I believe in her heart she has forgiven him. Attending my first Kairos Outside weekend really helped me start to feel that I could forgive him, and the talks and the love shown to me helped me to do that.
I don’t understand how God did it, but I have a peace in my heart about it, and I don’t want to be angry with him anymore. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to stay mad at him. It has been six years since he went to prison. I have been remarried to my daughters’ dad for four of those after he was able to get help for his own issues. He found out what happened to his daughter about a year after the trial took place. Yes he is still very angry, but he has to get over it in his time, God’s time for him. We have the right to feel and be angry. We have to choose how to channel the anger. Once we accept that we feel anger and identify it, we can deal with it in a constructive way and move forward. When you deal with your anger in this way, feelings of guilt and betrayal go away more quickly and don’t leave as bad of a taste in your mouth.
GOD listened to me. He is not like our human friends when he listens. He doesn’t get distracted or have other things on his mind when we are talking to him. He listens and takes in what we are saying with open ears, and welcomes us into his arms to comfort us when we can’t hold ourselves up anymore. He knew my pain, and my daughter’s pain. He helped me comfort her when she had nightmares about it. He gave me courage to say and do what I needed to. He gave me wisdom to be a good mom to my daughter by leading me to friends who were strong in their walk with God, and were good examples to me. God helped me to be strong, and use this for his glory by giving me the strength to talk to people about it.
Remember you cannot eliminate anger, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be a good idea. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable. Anger is a natural response when someone or something unexpected hurts us which is beyond our control. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses with a calm voice or stopping to take time to relax, can keeps you from becoming more unhappy in the long run. It also helps to be able to listen to music. I like Christian Music because of the positive messages and I believe that Music can sometimes be a way that God touches us, and comforts us. When I become angry now, I have to calm down inside and not let myself behave angrily towards others. This means not just controlling my outward behavior, but also controlling my internal responses, taking steps to lower my heart rate, calming myself down and letting the feelings subside. It is always a better idea to walk away from a situation than to stay and say or do something you will regret. It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. I have to be honest with myself, and others about my feelings. Communicating disappointment and frustration in a calm voice helps other people be more receptive to hearing about my feelings instead of being defensive if I were to accuse, yell, or throw a fit. I am not always able to rid myself of anger sometimes, because it manifests itself in many different ways, but I understand it now, and I know when it’s trying to get a hold of me.
