The other day I watched the movie Bandidas with Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. Knowing that Hayek and Cruz are good friends and seem to have a great time together, I was curious to hear them narrate the director’s cut. When listening to it, I immediately noticed what a generous spirit Penelope Cruz had toward others, especially her friend Salma. Penelope told a story about how kind Salma was to her when she first arrived in the United States from Spain. When Salma had a different recollection of the days certain shots were filmed, Penelope deferred her argument. Several times Penelope allowed Salma to take center stage and exclaimed things such as, “Salma, look how small your waist is!” This seemed to me to be a wonderful, yet simple, example of generosity of spirit.
For some of us being generous with our money and time is much less difficult than being generous of spirit. Maybe we don’t want someone else to get more credit or attention than we think they deserve. Maybe we think someone doesn’t deserve forgiveness, compassion, or kindness. We become stingy.
This stinginess of spirit comes from fear. We might fear that if they are the pretty one we won’t also be acknowledged, appreciated, and loved. We fear that if they are recognized for their work, then we won’t be recognized for ours. We believe there isn’t enough to go around. We may also believe that if we don’t police the universe with our disapproval then our choices in our world will become less valued.
The truth is, and we probably know this intuitively, that when we celebrate others’ successes, we win along with them. When we acknowledge their abundance, we also acknowledge riches for ourselves.
Many of my female coaching clients say that they would like to have girlfriends but their friendships with women often are competitive or unsupportive. When we are generous of spirit with our friends, as Salma and Penelope seem to be, (I also remember Salma being sincerely excited for Penelope to be nominated for an Academy Award for her role in Volver), we base our friendships on love rather than fear. Love is a solid foundation for any relationship.
