Sometimes the women I coach come to me as a last ditch effort in attempt to create a happy life. Many times they say, “I’ve tried everything and nothing worked, or at least nothing worked permanently.” Many of them have lost the weight, but gained it back. They attracted who seemed to be Mr. or Ms. Right, but the relationship went sour. They made the money but blew it. They had or have “it all,” but they still feel unhappy.
At this time in our culture we have a great deal of attention on creating the life we want. I am all for this. I for one would much rather have a beautiful home to live in than one that doesn’t inspire me. I would rather have a healthy and fit body than an unhealthy body. I would rather have peaceful and loving relationships rather than conflict-ridden ones. I try to put attention on each of the areas of my life by creating career, fitness, and spiritual development goals, and intellectual, relationship, parenting, financial, and fun goals. Attention to each of these areas over our lifespan is important if we want to show up fully in our lives. Neglecting any important dimension of our life is bound to have negative or unpleasant results.
However, if we don’t address our fundamentals, essentials, or foundational challenges, none of these other things matters. It is as if many of us are spending our time changing around the deck chairs on the Titanic. Does it really matter if the externals have manifested and you have done everything on your to do list, if you are not essentially happy? If we spend most of our day feeling like we aren’t worth the trouble and say unkind things about ourselves to ourselves and others, when the perfect career or relationship for us is manifested, we will be able to really show up for the experience, anyway? Our external experiences will begin to realign with what we internally believe to be true. If we think we aren’t worth it, we won’t be able to enjoy what we create because we think we don’t deserve it anyway.
