When people think about our first president, George Washington, what usually comes to mind first is that he couldn’t tell a lie. As a society, we’re indoctrinated with this tale from an early age, along with praise for “Honest Abe” Lincoln and clichés like, “Honesty is the best policy.” But the real truth is that we’re just a bunch of liars.
We tell fibs and whoppers like it’s our second job, and in terms of how many social interactions we have daily, that’s not too much of an exaggeration. Granted, most of them are considered white lies, which are supposedly innocuous and occupy an important role in socializing. But what makes such small scale deception not just routine, but necessary—and is it always harmless?
What Gives a Lie Its Color?
Lying has a negative connotation, but white lies are named thusly because they’re not meant to deceive or hurt someone else. Rather, they’re most often used to protect someone’s feelings from a hurtful truth. “In everyday life, people lie most often about their feelings and opinions,” says Bella DePaulo, a social scientist and author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. Think about when you go to a dinner party and the main course is less than appetizing. If asked for your opinion, chances are you won’t comment on its poor taste; rather, you’ll offer a generic compliment like, “It’s really good” because you don’t want to risk offending your host. This type of lie is told with the best of intentions, so it’s thought of as innocent, with white being the color most associated with innocence and purity.
Another common type of white lie is one told to save time or avoid unnecessary conversation in a social interaction. For example, when an acquaintance or an individual you communicate with briefly asks “How are you?” the usual response is, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay,” even if you had a fight with a friend or a tough day at work. In these situations, it’s easier to lie because explaining the truth would take longer than the short amount of time given to such conversations. Both parties usually understand that the question itself is like an extension of saying hello—asked politely, but with no expectation of receiving a detailed or even accurate response. Therefore, the white lie is integral to maintaining a smooth interaction.
