Each of us may have our reasons for being reluctant to give voice to what we think or feel—to speak our “truth.” As women, it appears that much of our struggle with truth telling may be sourced in our nurturing nature—our inborn desire to be peacemakers—as well as our personal desire to be liked and to get along well with others.
Speaking our truth can also be a matter of self-esteem. If we believe that the thoughts and feelings of others are more important than our own, then personal silence may prevail. Our self-esteem will remain low. As we journey more deeply into our truest self—a woman who is innately confident and courageous—our self-esteem soars, and we discover that our truth is, indeed, worth expressing.
What steps can we take to begin to honor ourselves and speak our truth? I offer the following guidelines for your consideration:
1. Know beyond a doubt that what you think and feel matters.
Your opinion is just as important as that of anyone else. You have a right to express yourself. After all, freedom of speech is guaranteed in the Constitution!
2. When expressing your truth to others, do so within a feeling framework.
Begin your statement with “I feel ...” When we use “I Feel” statements, it makes clear to the listener that this is about us, not them. “You” statements put others on the defensive; it can even incite conflict. The goal is not to criticize another, but to illuminate a challenging situation.
3. Be aware that others may not be eager to hear your point of view.
As we embody our truest selves more completely (better able to express our feelings or needs), it can cause fear and worry in our loved ones. This is a natural response. If we have consistently put everyone else first, those around us may not know what to do when we step up, speak out, or claim our place. They fear being left out, neglected, or unheard themselves. As we grow and change, it forces our loved ones to do the same—and that’s a frightening prospect for some.
4. Stand strong in your convictions and don’t cave in.
If we are met with resistance when we speak our truth, the pressure can build, and we may feel compelled to give in rather than to persevere. As peacemakers, we naturally prefer harmony over conflict. With a calm stance and direct delivery, let us be clear about what is right and true for us.
5. Do consider the feelings of the listener.
When we first begin to speak our truth, we may be inclined to vent, to engage forcefully, angrily, especially if we have been silent for a long time. As we become more confident in our ability to speak out, we optimize any situation by attuning ourselves to the listener. This does not mean walking on eggshells or tiptoeing around someone. It does mean holding him or her in the light of compassion, knowing that this message might be difficult for them to hear. It also means finding a balanced approach to communication where both the giver and the receiver are acknowledged. It invites us to deliver our message with love and concern. Speaking directly with kindness is key.
Learning to speak our truth is an ongoing process, one that may take years to accomplish, but one that is well worth the effort. With self-compassion and persistence, we can finally begin to live as our truest selves—the glorious women we were born and destined to be!
