Over the last several months I suffered with on-going bouts of clinical depression and lost my spark of life for a bit. Thank goodness they added another medicine that seems to be working well (knock on wood). For a few weeks prior to today I was looking at life in the most negative way possible. I know that sometimes things just suck. You know it, I know it. The “less than happy days” are followed eventually with a day that pulls you out of it and gives you something to smile about.
This depression is nothing new and will be a part of my life forever. I just was again struck at how much depression really just makes you so tired of sticking with it, etc. That does not have to mean suicide; it can mean lack of motivation, disinterest, or fatigue. However that is to you, one thing remains true. The spark that lights your fire inside is indeed almost snuffed out and some days you wonder if it is lit at all. It feels like you might never get it back or that you are on the edge of the flame just blowing out quietly or perhaps with a big flash of light.
It is the Independence Day celebration here in the United States where we celebrate the fact that we defeated the English and gained our freedom to become our own free nation. I am happy to say that for me I remain ready to show off my assets to anyone who will look and that depression may bring this chick down but it sure as hell won’t take me out!! I am like the firecracker and am sometimes loud when lit. (Very true after chocolate martinis.) I am the sparkler who burns hot for all to see ... For this Fourth of July I am happy to say I see the spark which I feared was growing dim. Take a lesson from me and enjoy all of your moments over this holiday. Let everyone see your true colors.
