Fear shows up in the hands (yes, really). It begins as a worry line. Worry is initially helpful: it indicates what can go wrong so you can put things in place to prevent it from happening. Some of the most effective people I know have some worry lines. They know how to foresee outcomes, variables and the big-picture effects of choices being made. They see what structures need to be in place so that an idea can move forward as smoothly as possible. The leaders of this world see obstacles as reroute signs, not as stop signs. They keep things moving towards an outcome, but aren’t stuck on one set path to get there.
Then fear steps in and worry gets stuck in a loop. Instead of being paired with action or plans of action to eliminate the worry, fear keeps us focused on that which we dread, watching it get bigger and bigger. The louder we let fear talk, the fewer options are available for what can be done about it. Fear slows us down. Back when we had more daily “life and death” situations, fear was a safety mechanism to save our necks from risky actions.
There is far less physical threat of death in our lives today than used to be the case. Yet, the system in our old brains still calls up the “flight or fight” reaction to things that have little relationship to “life or death.” A job crisis can paralyze someone even though there are more choices, avenues, and tools available today then ever before in history. Relationship confrontation becomes paralyzing, even when it’s survivable. Fear has become an outsized response to the hiccups and choices in our lives. The fear center is all lit up and hell-bent on keeping us from risk!
It’s good to slow down and take another look at what’s in front of us when Fear kicks in and rattles our peace of mind. Oxygenate the brain—it sedates Fear. Observing the process and seeing it for what it is provides a chance to enjoy the opportunity that triggered the fear. It gives us the chance to prepare for eventualities, both good and bad. Too often, worry lines become a trough in the hand that drains energy away from action. The response becomes a slow-down and then a full stop.
That’s when you want to start talking back to fear and doubt. Thank your guardians (I picture fear and doubt as two burly security guards) for keeping you safe all these years. Then remind them that you can handle this. If you need them, you will come back to get them (they are usually close at hand). Remind them of the things you have managed to survive that were like this or worse. Mentally list your successes as a switch to help tame the alarms. Breathe while you talk fear and doubt into a corner, where they can sit and mutter while you consider your next step.
Thoughtful action removes us from fear and turns worry into an opportunity to expand our boundaries. It’s the difference between trying to drive with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes and knowing when to apply each one effectively. As for me: I can relax and enjoy the thrill of traveling new territory knowing my brakes (and guards) are in good working order. Some judgment calls are better than others. I learn as much from a choice that doesn’t turn out as expected as I do from the planned outcome. Mostly, I learn to keep shortening the time I find myself stuck doubting my choices and more time enjoying them. Hopefully, you will too.
Originally published on Truth in Hand
