Yesterday I started feeling cookie dough and When Harry Met Sally coming on really strong. It’s suddenly that time of year. Fall weather, low energy, and I’m so tired, all I want to do is go home early, get into my nighty, and watch my favorite chick flick with a fresh batch of cookie dough. For a person as Type A and all over the map as myself--and a lot of women I know--it’s amazing to recognize the value of calling it quits. It took me my whole life to learn how to slow down in a healthy, generative way.
When you’re busy fulfilling the urge to be everyone’s everything all the time, there something incredibly restoring to closing the door, waving the white flag, and being unproductive. We have to stop. There just comes a time when we need to grind everything to a halt and refill our reserves. Sure, we are busy, successful single women and married, moms, family show runners, and go-getters. But, there’s beauty in knowing when NOT to be on top of it. Even better, there’s elegance in having a system that incorporates down time.
The jokes in my circle are that Erin is a whirling force of energy that doesn’t stop. My personal joke is that I can be manic in the world because I have a policy of being in my nighty by 4:30 every day. It’s a system that works with my body and my brain that keeps me both a sane and healthy mom, and a productive, imaginative business owner. What is your natural rhythm? When you know, you can sway with it, and get the most out of your uptime by getting the most out of your down time.
Three Keys to Getting Down
1. Don’t just unwind. Go out for the count.
When I get home, I become unavailable to everyone but my family. I’m in my nighty, snuggling with my kids and doing puzzles by the fire, so that I can wake up tomorrow at 7 a.m. and be on till I can get into my nighty again. When I am up, I am on. When I am down, I am unplugged, unwound all the way, and refilling for the next work day.
2. Don’t get tempted by tasks.
On your down days, dump the mail into the inbox. Pick up the stuff that’s blocking your way and put it in the “to be handled” corner. Close the laundry room door and don’t go in there! Make sure a day in advance that the fridge is stocked with leftovers for dinner.
3. Invite the kids.
If you have children, get them in their jammies, too. For my kids, 2 and 5, any excuse that mom is in her jammies is like a party for them. They know that when mom gets home and throws on her nighty, it’s snuggle time.
Children Love Downtime Too
As a working mom, who goes all out when I’m on, if I’m feeling low energy I can’t go to the new event at the natural history museum, and take the kids to see the baby seal born down at the beach. I have to make restorative choices, or I can’t be effective and compassionate. It’s okay to give different gifts and get creative with the schedule. On downtime days, I throw at-home dance parties, read tons of books with my kids, and we do lots of puzzles. I work with my body’s peak energy time, and drive the morning carpool instead of the afternoon. The kids take after school visits to the museum with Grandma and other moms.
Pulling deeply inward has been teaching my kids how to gauge their emotions and energy, too. When I unplug, my kids unplug. They have to crash as well. Learning how to not do is just as critical as learning to get ready for school and do homework. Downtime is a learned skill. It teaches them how to self-regulate. Recently I have been trying to reset the tempo of collapsing in our house, so that we can learn to slow down gracefully before we collapse into tears and crisis. We over-exaggerate the downtime and make a game of getting slow and quiet and cuddly. When we’re rejuvenated, it’s a brand new day and we’re off and running.
Your Friends Will Still Love You
By now, my friends understand me. They know I turn off my phone when I get home. They know I’m not the friend you can call at 9 p.m. and talk for 45 minutes. But they know I am 100 percent available in the day, for lunches, for phone calls on the way to the coffee shop, for specially planned girls’ nights. They know that in order to do what I love, which is operate on a high level, I have to be able to turn the world off. They know that I can’t be on fully without being completely off at times as well.
For me, this schedule comes from being incredibly intentional about what I am committing. If I am running myself ragged, then at least I know I am being intentional about it. Knowing the downtime I need, to rejuvenate for the uptime, helps me choose everything in my life more consciously and deliberately. This is an important awareness to make if when we are used to putting everyone else’s needs before our own. If I’m feeling short, irritable, tired, disconnected, disappointed, I can pretty much bet that it’s time to unplug all the way, and get together with friends again when my heart is in it.
A Time to Rest
For almost everyone I know, something major has happened every month this year. We’re all appropriately exhausted now that the days are shorter and the leaves are turning. There is a time and a place and a moment for being hyper-vigilant and it just isn’t now. Try some extreme downtime this season. It’s time to feel it back in, go internal, take cues from the season.
Let’s adjust the schedules, get in our jammies, take a deep rest, and let the downtime fuel us for the next year of changes and growth.
Originally published on GreenSherpa