I have been pretty busy these days, and as I was driving this morning I couldn’t help but notice the eyebrows which are in need of some TLC. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a person overly concerned with appearances, and I think beauty is in our uniqueness and flaws, but I also believe we are both “inside-outside” beings. There should be a balance and a connection between the two, and often we see the connection, but can’t quite find the darn balance! I mean, if we put too much weight on one side, the see-saw is going to throw something off!
The Martyr
We must focus on the inside, but if we muddle what it means to be focused on the inside, we can become a bit of a martyr doing everything for everyone else in the name of “being a good person.”
In martyrdom, there is also a price. It tips the scales of balance so that all of a sudden you are running around finishing your kid’s homework, picking up donuts and coffee for the office meeting, planning the PTA fundraiser, ironing your husband’s clothes, taking care of your best pal’s dog while she’s on a cruise in the islands, and then one day you look in the mirror and can’t quite make out that face staring back at you.
You begin to feel more and more pressure to do it all, you begin to experience negative stress which leads to poor eating habits, lack of communication (or ANGRY communication- not sure which is worse on relationships?), your exercise routine completely takes back seat to the “to-do” list, and meanwhile the outside may be looking a bit unrecognizable, but the inside is even worse!! And we wonder why increasing numbers of women are turning to a carton of Haagen Daz or even pharmaceutical solutions to just “feel better?”
The Narcissist
So, on the flip side, because we are visual beings, and impressions can be made within the first thirty seconds, we should also pay some attention to the outside. But, again, if we focus too much attention on the outside, a whole slew of issues come our way in the name of “looking good.”
Narcissism, vanity, and ego are the demise of the spirit—the internal self that allows your purpose and passion to contribute to the world, to help others, to be a good listener, to teach people, and to learn. Ego and vanity squash those ideas telling you that you already know it all, you are smarter and more beautiful, and you certainly don’t need to listen to that spiritual rubbish because the world is cut-throat, and you have to do whatever it takes to beat out everyone else. Backstabbing and gossiping thrive in an ego-driven woman.
Judgment also becomes second-nature, just like breathing, to a gal who is too focused on the outside. She judges other people’s choice of shoes, cars, lip gloss, hair style. She ranks herself against other women, and worst of all, she judges herself. She can never please herself, she is never good enough, so she constantly tries to compensate by overworking the outside.
The (Dare I Say?) Balanced Babe
Alright, I am going to tell you right now, that balance is an elusive state of being. So, when I say “balanced babe” I don’t mean the woman who appears to “have it all” or have all of her ducks in a row. Her ducks can be turned upside-down, but she still feels pretty damn good!
The balanced babe does her best, knows when to pull back, has a cookie sometimes and doesn’t care, she loves with her whole heart, she has a purpose and passion, she has faith, she splurges every now and then on a pocketbook, she fails sometimes but doesn’t let it stop her. The balanced babe gives to others, but also gives to herself, she takes time to nurture her body and spirit because she knows the healthier she is the better she will be at all of those responsibilities she has in her life. She’s not last on the totem pole, she knows when to say “no!” but is great at offering an alternative solution.
