It was the damndest thing! And I thought I was immune. August 31, 2005. I turned forty that day. I knew I was going to turn forty, I mean the math is simple enough. And who doesn’t keep track of one’s birthday? And forty is just a number, right?
There were a hand-full of events that took place around that time. But the three I remember most were 1) turning forty, 2) my son dropping out of high school, and 3) we’ll get to that later. My son’s departure from the academic world kicked this college educated man right in the gut.
I really couldn’t take it. I had this sudden and overwhelming despair of “getting old,” being completely unappreciated—hated, actually—for all I had done for my only child. He had everything he needed to make a success of himself, yet from it, he derived nothing. What the hell had I done with my life? What was it all for? Those were the questions haunting me, and I am sure they are the root of most mid-life crises.
I had this burning desire to just leave! Sell it all, and leave! I imagined myself with a huge wad of cash. No retirement, no house, no property, just me and my cash strolling up and down the beaches of the world admiring MY world’s largest seashell collection. Ah! Bliss!
And 3) I discovered a fancy for Demi Moore, of all people. I became obsessed with her. She was born in Roswell, New Mexico. Roswell is famous, as if you didn’t know, and I live in northwest New Mexico. We were born in the same State, so she and I have something in common, right? And with all the cash I would have, certainly she would be impressed, right? Now all I had to do was find her. I guess I’d have to hire a hit man to take care of Ashton …
Yep—I needed help and I got it. Therapy is another word for talking, and boy, did Dr. Dave and I talk. He was so cool! He laid it out for me. “An unexamined life was not worth living.” I had never heard that before, and it was so apropos. What had I done with my life? And where was the “my” in this life?
