When Mick Jagger gets onstage and sings “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” everyone in the crowd knows what he’s talking about. We’ve all felt unfulfilled at some point, and whether it’s directed at something specific or is just a general feeling, it affects our happiness.
What’s worse is the inexplicable lack of satisfaction and even disappointment that can come after achieving a goal. After we’ve worked hard toward something, such as starting a relationship with a crush or being promoted at work, logic dictates that we should feel nothing but pleased. But in such cases, winning also means losing a source of motivation, which sometimes—not always—leaves us feeling lost and unproductive. So what causes our occasional preference for the thrill of the chase over victory?
The Excitement of the Unknown
There are two qualities we share as humans that make the chase more satisfying than its results. The first is that we tend to enjoy mystery more than we appreciate reality. A 2005 study at the University of Virginia explored this pattern by conducting an on-campus experiment. Researchers put two versions of cards in the school library with money attached and a smiling face printed on the front with “This is for you!” written under it. The difference was that one card suggested an anonymous donor and the other explained who was responsible.
When asked about it later, recipients who got the mysterious card were happier for longer than those who received the other card. The air of mystery gave people something to wonder about, so the positive effects stayed with them for a longer period of time. Just speculating about the different scenarios, as we do when imagining what will happen if we meet a goal, made participants happier than reality—or what happens when we meet a goal—would have.
Even the rewards of achieving something we work hard for don’t prevent a situation from losing its sense of mystery. This often occurs in the dating world. People set unrealistic expectations for whomever they’re courting, and when their interest becomes requited, the reality is far less enticing than the fantasies they’ve concocted. With anything we set our sights on, it’s hard not to imagine everything falling perfectly into place once we get what we want. After all, that’s how we stay motivated. But relying on that expectation too much will lead to disappointment and that dreaded dissatisfaction, which could prompt us to end relationships, leave careers, and engage in similarly negative behaviors.
