When Mick Jagger gets onstage and sings “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” everyone in the crowd knows what he’s talking about. We’ve all felt unfulfilled at some point, and whether it’s directed at something specific or is just a general feeling, it affects our happiness.
What’s worse is the inexplicable lack of satisfaction and even disappointment that can come after achieving a goal. After we’ve worked hard toward something, such as starting a relationship with a crush or being promoted at work, logic dictates that we should feel nothing but pleased. But in such cases, winning also means losing a source of motivation, which sometimes—not always—leaves us feeling lost and unproductive. So what causes our occasional preference for the thrill of the chase over victory?
The Excitement of the Unknown
There are two qualities we share as humans that make the chase more satisfying than its results. The first is that we tend to enjoy mystery more than we appreciate reality. A 2005 study at the University of Virginia explored this pattern by conducting an on-campus experiment. Researchers put two versions of cards in the school library with money attached and a smiling face printed on the front with “This is for you!” written under it. The difference was that one card suggested an anonymous donor and the other explained who was responsible.
When asked about it later, recipients who got the mysterious card were happier for longer than those who received the other card. The air of mystery gave people something to wonder about, so the positive effects stayed with them for a longer period of time. Just speculating about the different scenarios, as we do when imagining what will happen if we meet a goal, made participants happier than reality—or what happens when we meet a goal—would have.
Even the rewards of achieving something we work hard for don’t prevent a situation from losing its sense of mystery. This often occurs in the dating world. People set unrealistic expectations for whomever they’re courting, and when their interest becomes requited, the reality is far less enticing than the fantasies they’ve concocted. With anything we set our sights on, it’s hard not to imagine everything falling perfectly into place once we get what we want. After all, that’s how we stay motivated. But relying on that expectation too much will lead to disappointment and that dreaded dissatisfaction, which could prompt us to end relationships, leave careers, and engage in similarly negative behaviors.
Living to Work
The second characteristic that makes having a goal feel so good has to do with what we need to feel good in general. As humans, we crave purpose in life; even though we all fantasize about living carefree on a tropical island, without tasks at hand to give us a sense of direction in life, we feel lost and, well, useless. That’s why retired folks often return to the workforce; having a reason to get up and get out of the house is important for people’s physical and mental well-being. As anyone who’s dealt with stretches of unemployment can attest, not having a central purpose can get mighty depressing.
In 2005, a study published in the journal American Psychologist found that people are most content when working toward a goal. The researchers asked volunteers to perform various tasks, including recognizing something they’re good at—such as being decisive or making others feel good—and repurposing that asset every day. Those with that responsibility ended up being the happiest in the group. Even just thinking about goals on a daily basis can do wonders for our health. In a 2008 study at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Duke University, women who wrote about their goals—not only defining them, but venting frustrations and worries about them—were less likely to get colds and flus than women who didn’t.
Our desire to work toward something has to do with self-preservation; after all, being socially necessary was tied to survival for our ancestors. So in some ways, we’re hardwired to enjoy the hunt, the chase, the effort that goes into achieving a goal. This pursuit might be more complex these days, but the satisfaction we derive from it remains the same. We need attainable aspirations to give our existences meaning, however small or seemingly insignificant those goals seem to others. And when we’ve succeeded at whatever we’ve sought to do, we have to find something new to challenge ourselves with, or anxiety will soon follow.
Victory Shouldn’t Mean Feeling Defeated
There are some occasions when victory will trump the pleasure we take from the process, when happiness from success will overtake satisfaction from pride and determination. But all too often, we let it get squashed by idealizing the mysterious or feeling remiss from the resulting lack of challenge. Drawing happiness from being proactive and pinpointing purposes is important and healthy for humans, but not when we let it turn into overall disappointment afterward.
The trick is being able to envision a goal enough to make the work worthwhile without turning it into an elaborate fantasy on which we base our entire happiness. That’s why it’s essential to have multiple things we work toward in life, rather than focusing on one promotion, one relationship, and so forth. Always being on the chase sounds exhausting, but when we have lots of goals, we’re more invested in life, and life is more interesting—as long as we remember to enjoy the wins, too. It makes for a much happier humankind.
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