Hello again. I did forgive him but if someone out there has been harmed, or worse, like me, I want them to know that there are others. We were beaten daily and God gave me a gift to repair from these things. Not everyone can, there are deep scars and no one unless they have felt it knows what it is like I hope they never do.
When my mother let it happen and he couldn’t quit, as the oldest I became the adult. My sister and my brother only had me to protect them. I have to stop when I write this sometimes cause it hurts my heart. It is to set me free. If you were beaten as a child you have a loyalty to your parents not to tell. You can’t help it, it is a ill thing. You’re told never tell this to no one. It is like being in a war. To many adrenaline rushes, you look for them as adults. My mother is gone now but he is still going and I have finally let him go I feel stress free much better but I’m feeling anger a lot now and don’t know why. He did a lot of very sick things to us and my sister is still stuck in it. I tried to help her but I can’t she won’t listen so I’ve let her go too.
They are both in denial, her and my brother. When my mother died, my sister and I took her to her death at home and that was a total mess. He was drunk and thought it was a party. So sad. I vomited a few times before it was over nine days of Hell. Everyone cried but me. That makes me feel guilty. But I did what I was asked to do. I had to watch everyone so we did what we had to do to not get in any trouble you must keep records for authorities. Also my brother was in fetal position when I got there. My sister was a nurse so she knew what to do but she was a basket case. I knew what to do cause she had cancer and didn’t have long. All of this had started in 2001 and it is still a mess everyday so I had to stop it and I’ve cut them off. So the only one I talk to is my brother and he doesn’t bother me.
When my mother died the snow was large and lighting struck. I know that there are much more sad things than I have gone through but being tortured everyday was hard to over come. So I’m proof we don’t all become killers or in jail. So hang in there, it’s possible. Have faith in your self.
