This story contains mature or graphic content.
Now for the memories I have of my biological father:
The first memory I have of my father doing anything inappropriate was when I was around five or six years old. We had just got back from a girl scouts father/daughter banquet and were watching The Wizard of Oz. We were lying on the couch in the living room and he started touching my chest. He was pinching my nipples and it kind of hurt. He then pulled my panties aside and started touching my private. He kept doing that for what seems a while and then he put his finger in me. I could hear him behind me breathing really hard and I could smell the beer on his breath. Then he turned me around. He pulled his penis out of his underwear, and had me sit on his stomach. He then put it inside of me and squirmed a little. Then he made me get up and go into the bathroom and told me to clean myself. I went into the bathroom and cleaned with a wet rag and there was blood. It scared me and I almost went and told him about the blood, but I didn’t. I just told myself that maybe it was all a dream. I would wake up in the morning and it would all be over.
The next memory I have was when I was a little older, I was going to work with him out in the oil field. He was letting me steer his pickup down a dirt road and he had his hand in my shirt. I didn’t like the feeling at all, but I was afraid that if I said anything he would spank me for being bad. Then I remember being at one of his oil well leases and him telling me to stay in the truck. He went and did his work and I was coloring in a color book. It was a strawberry short cake coloring book. I was very proud I had it. Dad then came around to the passenger side and opened the door. I wanted to show him the page I had colored and he told me to pee before we left. So I got out and peed beside the truck, but before I could pull up my pants and panties he picked me up and made me lay down in the seat. He put him mouth down there. And I felt so gross. It was slobbery. Then he pulled his penis out and put it in me … he was pushing me really hard and it hurt between my legs. Then he heard a truck coming and told me to hurry up and pull my pants up so I did. When I looked back behind the truck, my Uncle Anthony was parking his pick up. I was so scared that he had seen something, so I stayed in the truck. He and Dad talked for a while and then Anthony left. Dad never said anything to me, just acted like it didn’t happen.
Then the next memory I have is of me and Dad in his old green ‘57 Chevy pickup, he took me out on a back road and made me put my mouth on him while he was driving, I kept trying to pick my head up but he was holding the back of my head down. He told me not to stop until he said to. I told him I didn’t know what he wanted me to do, and he told me to suck it as hard as I could. I told him that was gross and he said, no it isn’t and get used to it. So I did. It squirted in my mouth and I spit it out, I was choking and spiting, and Dad was laughing at me. He told me the more I did it, the more I’d like it. But I told him huh uh, it was nasty.
The last memory I have is of when I got away from John and Carol and was living with my Dad again. I was putting up laundry, and he came in from work. I was in his bedroom putting up socks, shirts, work pants, and undies. He came into his room and gave me a hug. Said I was doing good around the house and he wanted to thank me in a special way. I got suspicious cause of what had happened with John and Carol and tried to leave the room. He pushed me down onto the bed and I remember him putting it inside of me, he put my legs up over his shoulders and pulled my hair, I just remember turning my head, looking at the clock beside his bed, and closing myself off. After he was done, I remember going to the bathroom, cleaning up, and telling myself I was leaving. I went to live with my Gramma and Papa again, but I always just thought that it was a dream, so I forgot it.
When I remember the things my Dad did to me, I cringe, my skin crawls, and I feel sick to my stomach. It’s different than the episodes at John and Carols. It’s sicker, in a way. He’s my Dad. It’s one thing to be a victim of sexual abuse, but it’s a totally different feeling when you realize that you were a victim of incest as well. They are both sick acts, but incest is the worse in my opinion. It makes me feel even more nasty, gross, and ugly. To know that my father had sex with me numerous times … It just makes me want to throw up …
OMG, I remember that after the first incident with my Dad, I remember getting a notebook, and drawing a picture of a girl and a boy. They were stick people and the boy had a penis sticking out. My Gramma found it and asked me what it was. I told her what Dad had done to me, and she told me that was unacceptable talk and she wouldn’t have any of it. She told me to never speak like that again … so I never did. Til now.