Newspapers and news television channels were filled this week with domestic violence incidents, child abuse incidents, assaults, and rapes. This seems to be the usual standard, and draws the viewers in. Happy news articles are buried in the back of newspapers, the end of television news reports. My husband tells me to just stop reading the news and turn off the television. My empathy happens to go way beyond the normal person who can view violent incident stories and still continue to eat dinner as if they’re reading their horoscopes or the local weather. I’m incensed over these violent incidents.
I was a child who grew up in a violent abusive household, forced into silence by an abusive, dominating father. On the outside I smiled, inside I was cringing in pure agony. Once I released the bonds of silence my father held over me to become a survivor, I vowed to never keep silent about my outrage towards incidents of domestic abuse and child abuse.
If we brush over these domestic incidents, accept them as norm in our lives, do we admit we’re a violent society? Do we admit we can’t erase this stigma on our lives? And do we allow the violence to continue? If the perpetrator’s get caught, do we keep slapping them on their wrists and release them, to continue on with their violent behavior?
My father believed he was perfectly right in what he was doing. He was a man who maintained power over his property, which just happened to include his wife and daughters. My mother was a loving, “stand by your man,” woman. She needed a husband to validate herself as a woman, no matter what the tragic outcome. I fortunately did not carry the abusive behavior over to my family when I eventually married and had children, though I carried the history. I made it my point to show my family how much I truly loved and cared for them, sometimes to the chagrin of my children growing up. Today I’m still uncertain why my father acted in the way he did, or why my mother loved him until the day she passed away, though he left her years before for a much younger woman. They carried their violent secrets to their grave, leaving behind children who were forever affected by their behavior in various ways. As a writer, I continue to share my story.
Today I view young girls, for example, in the recent case of a star who was alleged to be violently beaten up by her boyfriend. She decided to return to his side and not press charges. Young girls are dating, accepting behaviors like a slap, a shove, a push, or worst a full beat down. They cover their bruises, and lie to their parents and friends. They accept all the verbal abuse, and consider it a form of love talk. They listen to music degrading women, and sing and dance along to the vulgarity. As parents, what examples are we showing our young girls by our own behavior in our relationships?
I speak about girls and women, because I’ve experienced that side in my life. I have to be honest and admit there are boys and men who are victims involved in an abusive relationship, but because of shame or the stigma of being considered a battered male, they keep a vow of silence. As males, they’re afraid they’ll be laughed at. They’re ashamed they allow themselves to be battered by a female. Most were taught not to lay a hand on a female. Shouldn’t they be taught domestic violence in a relationship isn’t a healthy relationship? No matter how much they believe they have a beautiful catch or think there is so-called love in their relationship?
We all get annoyed with our partners at times, have differences that need resolving. I believe that happens to me at least once a week if not more, but to strike out physically because of anger and rage isn’t the proper solution. Domestic violence isn’t mature love, no matter how you attempt to explain it away.
