For my safety’s sake we will call my boyfriend by the name of “Carlos.” Three years ago he drove into my life like a Mac Truck. That is the only way I know how to describe it. When I met him he spoke to me like someone out of a movie. His voice was so soft, so sweet. It sounded like an angel whispering in the breeze. It had me floating toward him on the air, doing whatever he said. Whatever he wanted. Even his physical touch felt like an angel’s kiss. Such a gentle man ... would never, could never do any harm.
The first time he told me he loved me was only within the first two weeks. He wouldn’t stop telling me how much he wanted me. Needed me. Had to have me around all the time because I was so perfect for him. I was so beautiful and someone else might try to “get a hold of me and take me away from him.” Those are his words, not mine. This went on for about a month. He would constantly tell me or give me reasons why I had to be around him all the time. He needed to feel loved. He couldn’t help it if I made him feel the way he does about me. “Erica, you’re perfect. Erica, you’re beautiful. Erica, I need you. Erica, I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my life before.” Can you hear his angelic, whispering voice drifting into your ears like it did mine? Hypnotizing you like it did me? “Erica ... Erica ... Erica ... Baby, I love you ... ”
Carlos was the perfect man. We went out to dinner anywhere I wanted. We went to see any movie I wanted. He would surprise me with little things that he knew I liked or were my favorites. He used to smile at me and look at me like he was admiring fine art. I was always told how beautiful I was and was always complimented. HE was always the one not wanting to upset ME. He always wanted to please me. He was perfect. Now I know there is no such thing as perfection. Now I am the one not wanting to upset HIM. But for very different reasons ...
It was three months into our relationship the first time he hit me. I will NEVER forget what was said or what was done. I wanted to go home (by this time I was staying over his house so much I basically lived there), but we had “plans.” We always had “plans ...” I started by telling him I was going home because my family missed me. I hardly ever saw them anymore. That was my mistake. I told him what I was doing, not asked permission.
The look on his face was like none I had ever seen before. The smile fell away and was replaced with pure hate. He started screaming at me, “You’re not going anywhere! We have plans to be together! Why are you doing this to me?! Why can’t I come with you?!” What was once a sweet, angelic voice was now a harsh one like broken glass cutting through me. This wasn’t the man I met three months ago. Who was this stranger standing in front of me? I tried to stand up for myself (back then I still tried to defend myself, but not anymore). He just wouldn’t have it.
The next thing I knew I was slammed against the wall with his face an inch from mine. He whispered, “You want to go? Go ahead. I won’t stop you. But you’ll see what’s gonna happen. We have plans and we will keep them.” His voice was so filled with venom I could taste it. I was so stubborn back then I still tried to fight back. I told him I was going and he would have to do more than just threaten me to stop me. Big mistake ... He threw me on the bed, wrapped his hands around my throat, and choked me until my face turned bright red. I COULD NOT BREATHE! The whole time he had this look on his face like he liked what he was doing. He kept saying, “You want to leave?! Go! What’s the matter?! Why aren’t you trying to leave now?! Get up and go!”
