Fifty. Fifty. F-i-f-t-y! I’m on the other side of the dreaded big five-zero and may I recognize that my observation is that it’s worse on the approach. The fear, the anticipation, and all the knuckle-nashing was for naught. No one can tell you that, mind you. Well, actually, everyone tried to tell me that, but I just wasn’t sure they were being completely forthright. In actuality, most of those supporters are far younger than I and know not what they say. I mean, is anyone forthright when we are expecting our first offspring? We learned on our own how amazing it feels to hold this little bit of heaven in our arms, how sweet their smell and how tender their little finger grip. We did not get the memo on the teething, the tantrums, the broken bones, or the angst when they left on the school bus for the first time or as they peeled out of the driveway in our car. Why then, should anyone in the know clue in a friend on the impending feeling of doom brought forth by a fiftieth?
It’s not quite the desperation I thought, really. Really? I don’t know. Three hundred and sixty-five days of anguish anticipating it was not worth the energy and the additional gray hairs. The slowed metabolism, wrinkles, sleep issues, and muffin top likely existed already. A circuit breaker certainly was not flipped at the stroke of twelve. Nothing is really any different except my mindset and thought process of acceptance.
Thinking retrospectively one year later; did I handle it with aplomb? It’s amazing, the fear, the anxiety, the anticipation of doom in having to categorize myself within another decade, a decade invited into the world of AARP, has worn off. Does anyone really care how old I am anyway? Have I had to utter the words more than a handful of times all year? No. Did I have to tolerate seeing it in print more times than I’d care, yes … but really, it is … truly … just a number! Fifty. I said it. That’s it and nothing more. We just like to add all that baggage to it to make it so much more star studded than it really is. And does it deserve all that recognition? I think not. There’s so much ahead, so let’s leave room for possibilities, shall we?
