I’m too young to continue holding onto the regrets I have from years ago. I feel I am too young for the responsibilities I’m faced with each day. I’m too young to be so bogged down with stress and emotional baggage all the time. I’m realizing there is a reason for all of this … I have to come to the realization that I cannot do it without God. No matter how hard I try, if I don’t hand it over to Him, my days become useless. I’m beginning to realize that I have been trying to do it on my own for too long. And that has to change.
Though I have been a believer for years, unknown fears have risen in my chest that I cannot hold down anymore. Why is it, that a supposed on-fire believer would truly believe in her heart, that God only wants to take away? That just does not make sense. If that believer truly knew God’s heart and His will for her life, that believer would realize that He wants all of her dreams to come true, but even better that she imagines for herself and with a magnitude that she cannot comprehend! I have been so afraid that since God has given me what I’ve always wanted, a true love, that He is going to eventually take it away, pop my happy bubble and leave me brokenhearted once again; not even taking into consideration that my previous broken heart turned out for the better.
God has our best interests at heart. And we are called only to trust in Him … and He will give us all we have ever asked or imagined.
Oh, God. Please help me to trust in You … I am completely incapable of doing it on my own. I have been on my own for too long … and it is too lonely and difficult. I am so lost. Please, Lord, I give my paths to You, that You may straighten them before me. I want to know what Your will for my life is, whether I like it or not. Keep in mind that my heart is so fragile and I cannot bear much. Please take these burdens from me and free me from the chains of bondage I have put myself in. Make me strong against the wiles of the enemy so that I may become strong in You once more … but I can only do that through You. I want to be Your servant of light once more. A freshwater stream in places of drought, a gentle beautiful light in the darkness. Please, have mercy on me, and grant me these things, though I know I did nothing to deserve them; in fact, just the opposite. I just need you … more than the air I breathe, or the money I make. I need to be complete in You, not in another person. Please walk alongside me to guide me and teach me once again.
