Four months ago, I lost my husband to a sudden death. Congestive heart failure. His doctor failed to pick up on his enlarged heart for months. He died suddenly. I watched him slip away and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. It was the most tragic thing, to watch somebody you love die before your eyes. My son and daughter and I were powerless in the midst of what was happening. When he was gone we sat there and asked, what just happened? He was only in the hospital for three days. When I picked him up from work that morning on a Saturday, he was spitting up blood. And I rushed him to the hospital and in three days, he was gone.
My life that moment just stopped. I feel like I am walking in a fog. I can’t stop thinking about him. I want him back so bad it hurts. All I do is cry. I just don’t know how I am going to do this life without him. We were always together. He was not only my husband but my best friend. We didn’t have an easy life. We had our share of problems. We even were apart for a while, when my husband had a problem with drinking. But I prayed to God every day to change him, and God answered my prayers. He changed him for me and three children. My children are now grown and only now do they understand.
God gave me five wonderful years back with my husband, and now he took him back. And this is what I am having a hard time understanding. I can’t understand. God changes him and then takes him away from me again. Why? This makes me angry and sad. I have so many feelings that I just can’t cope. I am scared what lies ahead for me. We had so many more years ahead of us, and now I am left alone to face these lonely years by myself. I have my kids and my family, but it’s not the same when you lose somebody you loved with all your heart and soul. A part of me just died right with him. I’ll never be the same again.
People tell me to go to grieving classes, they say it will help. I tried to go back to work, but I ended up taking some more off. And I know I have to go back . It’s just so hard. I have no motivation, and it’s hard to keep smiling. I see other happy people and I envy them. Why couldn’t we be happy forever? Why did this happen to us. I know this will take time and I need to have patience with myself. I just don’t how to get through this right now.
So this is my story, not a happy one. I wish I could just stop the hurt and deal with what just happened to this family.
