Since we are here to share about recovery, I want to relay that recovery is not a dirty word. The dictionary definition is “to regain strength, composure, or balance; to regain in usable form; reclaim.”
That is what you want isn’t it? I personally have experienced loss of health, a miscarriage, a divorce, losing custody of children, walking away from abusive parents, and separation from loved ones (besides death of friends and relatives). Lastly, the greatest loss to recover from is a nervous breakdown, and the resulting altered reality. If I survived, you have hope too.
After a loss, it seems even more important to feel like we are in control, and grieving does not feel like a part of that picture. Your feelings may be intensified by expectations that you should be able to get through this quickly. Or you may be feeling depressed about being depressed, which makes you feel less valued. Recovery is real, it happens, and it can take time. The amount of time depends on how you choose to approach it. First, be patient with yourself. Second, ask yourself meaningful questions. Third, be selective in who you share with.
There are several things to keep in mind on your recovery or healing journey. What you are going through is unique to you—even if someone else has gone through something similar. It is okay to be in an unknown zone. Your history, and how you process your emotions, are unique to you. Thus, how you filter this grief is also. Nobody has the right to tell you how long you can grieve, including yourself. If you limit yourself, or place expectations on where you should be, you are limiting self-awareness. It is very likely that up until now, your inner strength has not been tested or proven to you by prior life experience. The key is to begin to understand your feelings. I like to call this process “query.” To query is to honestly question.
I am going to ask you to temporarily set aside what you have learned about your thoughts in relation to others. When you notice a thought cross your mind, let judgment go. This is really not about religious or social beliefs—it is about your feelings. Thoughts are a result of feelings, as much as feelings are a result of thoughts. I ask you to remember that we feel feelings, and think thoughts—we do not think feelings. Thoughts can and do exacerbate issues that already exist, however, I am simply asking you to stop and say to yourself: Why do I think that? Why do I feel that? When did that belief start? Is that true? What can I learn from that? When you learn to query, you are on your way.
