My favorite episode of Sex and The City is the one in which the four women are sitting at the lunch table talking about men and soul mates. At one point Charlotte says she thinks the four women should be each other’s soul mates, instead of looking to the men in their lives to fulfill that need.
I love this idea because it says so much about the power of friendship between women; it also reminds me of my best friend Jodine.
Both fresh out of college, we met in Pan Am training, moved to San Francisco, and began the friendship that changed both our lives. We flew to Hong Kong and Tokyo and all over the place, laughing all the way. After a year of flying we got laid off, and she moved back to New York. I stayed in San Francisco and met the man who became my ex-husband. Jodine stayed in New York and went back to flying while going to law school. Through the years we went through all the things that women do: unworthy boyfriends (hers), an imploding marriage (mine), illnesses, cats, cars, shoes, bags, debts, heartaches, and happiness.
We were always miles from each other but it never mattered, we just got closer and closer. There were no secrets we hadn’t told each other and nothing we couldn’t say to the other person. We never had a cross word and each conversation started right where the last one left off. We drove each other crazy once in awhile, too. She often used to make a second call to me after we’d talked for hours, just to tell me how much I meant to her; sometimes I just didn’t see the point.
We shuttled back and forth between coasts, hiking in the Bay Area and shopping in Westchester County. We went to tango shows, planned to go to the opera, the Four Corners. Happy in each other’s company, we laughed our way through adventures and years.
We made plans, and the best was our “Old Lady Plan.” Quite simply, we planned to get old together and the men in our lives were welcome to come along for the fun. Houses or apartments, side by side, wheelchairs at the ready if our legs would no longer carry us. I figured the biggest problem would be finding space for the duplicate “stuff” we bought for each other over the years, or the strays she kept on adopting!
Jodine was fierce in her love for the abandoned or underprivileged, always championing the underdog, especially if it had four paws. She loved the law, her friends, the color pink, and life in all its forms.
About ten years ago Jodine got sick with an auto immune disease. It really took a toll on her, but she wanted to lead a normal life, and mostly succeeded. She went to Johns Hopkins for treatment and came back the most beautiful bald woman I’ve ever seen. Jodine went on with spirits undimmed, telling me one day that she thought the illness had made her a better, kinder person, and it was not one of the things in her life she would change if she could.
She bought a house and adopted three dogs. I screamed “potential hoarder” over the last one, Mojo, but he turned out to be a blessing with his sweet ways and loving nature. I have a picture from that time with Jodine, hair grown out, smiling, all in pink, an arm wrapped around Mojo. I keep it on my desk at home and at work, and smile every time I glance at it.
Shortly after that photo was taken Jodine was diagnosed with stage 3B lung cancer. Starting out with a chronic disease, the fight was going to be brutal, and she came back from chemo a different kind of bald. We planned to go to Santa Fe for the opera, to see Carmen, and she bought cowboy boots in preparation. We lived our lives and intended to do the things we loved, because what else can you do?
