I recently lost my mom in March. Over the past 6 months, I have experienced the gamut of emotions and feelings.
Feeling grief after the loss of a second parent is much harder, in my opinion, than after the first. You feel a more profound sense of loss. You grieve not only the loss of the person, but also the end of an era of your life
Each experience of loss is unique. It is never as simple as feeling like you miss the person who just died. The emotions that result from grief are made up of interconnecting memories, both happy and sad, that somehow take over you life while you are grieving.
My sister had a serious drug addiction that tore our family apart for over 25 years. I was the youngest and was the one most pulled into the chaos. I live with emotional scarring every day of my life. It changed my life forever. Over the years, I felt regrets, doubts, and anger, hate, and love that I was unable to express. I sought counseling, which did help me to move on. And now that my mom is gone, all those feelings have risen to the surface, bubbling out of every pore of my life.
For whoever reads this article, all I can say is … grief doesn’t end the week after someone dies. Loss is like a key … it opens a door to a roller coaster ride of emotions. Your friend or loved one will experience highs and lows. Emotions will continue to surface for a year or maybe longer. It will seem to take over their life. They will feel helpless and out of control sometimes. It will be hard for them to function some days. The littlest thing, from smelling a smell, to hearing a song, will trigger overwhelming feelings of loss for them.
I have learned what people who are grieving need from their close friends and family: they need them to make gestures that will serve as constant reminders of what is good in their life, because when grief strikes, their outlook will seem bleak and hopeless. Once that door to grief has been opened, your gestures may be the one thing that allows your close friend or loved one to get through the day. Maybe they just need you to listen. Maybe they need a hug. Maybe they just need you to call them to say hello and bring a smile to their face. Maybe just a card in the mail. An invitation to get out and have fun. The possibilities are endless, but the comfort that results will never be forgotten.
