Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It’s a typical reaction to tragedy, death, a breakup or divorce, the loss of a job or good health, or a permanent move away from family and friends.
We’ve all lived long enough to know that we can’t avoid grief—but there are ways to deal with grief and avoid the destruction it can cause.
1. Release.
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Many grief counselors say that the most effective method to deal with grief is to allow enough time for mourning. Each person grieves in his or her own way, and must take the time necessary to recover from a loss.
The grieving process may include many emotions, including periods of anger, depression and numbness. Go through them. Cry your eyes out. Punch walls. Wail. Write letters, or a journal. Do whatever it takes. Then, when you’re done, take a deep breath and resolve to move on.
2. Realize that your situation isn’t unique.
This is really important. When you’re going through a rough time, it’s easy to think that no one else knows what you’re going through. I actually wrote the first version of this article years ago because I was devastated when my sister moved to the U.S. While researching, I came upon stories of people who had gone through much worse suffering—children and spouses passing away, the discovery that they had only a few more months to live, and so on—it really helped me to put things in perspective.
When experiencing grief, you need to see that others have experienced similar things and lived through it. That people in fact go on to thrive, not just survive. Don’t block out the encouragement and hope that comes from observing others who have moved on with their lives.
3. Reach out, and let others reach out to you.
To truly heal and move beyond grief, you need others. Self-pity, and every other destructive result of grief, can only function in isolation. When you reach out to others who are suffering too, it becomes easier to forget your own pain. And when you allow others to reach out to you, the negative effects of grief slowly begin to die.
4. Recognize sadness as a temporary thing.
One of my favorite comfort phrases is one I adopted from the bellboy in My Best Friend’s Wedding—“This too shall pass.”
No tragedy is permanent. People of various faiths believe that even death is only a temporary separation. No matter how rotten you feel at any given time of your life, you can be sure that one day, the pain will eventually subside. No one can ever take the place of a loved one you have lost, but you will come to a point where you’re ready to move forward and meet new challenges.
5. Rest/Replenish.
One of the most negative effects of grief is physical and emotional self-destruction. During times of grief it’s easy to grow emotionally and physically depleted. You don’t want to go on. You can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Can’t think of anything but the pain of your loss.
Grief is exhausting in itself. Going without rest, or the proper nutrition or care, only compounds the difficulty. Trying to get through a difficult time without prayer, or some sort of spiritual replenishment, makes the task even more daunting. You will need your strength—both physical and emotional—so make it a point to take care of both body and spirit … even if you don’t feel like it.
6. Re-organize.
Eventually, as we deal with our grief, we come to accept that we are beginning a new chapter in life. We have to adjust to a new reality because we are in a new situation. During this adjustment period, it helps a lot to keep yourself busy. Re-organize your life. Look around at the things you’ve neglected that need to get done, and give yourself a project (or series of projects) that will take up your time and thoughts.
