What a day! Just this morning I thought how self-absorbing depression really is. It suffocates you, takes your breath clean away. You end up being in just a getting-by place where you can’t think beyond yourself. It’s all you can do just to take care of yourself. In recovering from depression, it’s easier to see how thoughtless of others you become. And maybe it’s time to start reaching out. Thanks to some great friends I have actually been out and enjoying the time with them. I have begun developing interests again and thinking of projects. These were my thoughts as I got up and ready for church. And then I hear the readings from Jeremiah 15, Psalm 26, Romans 12, and Matthew 13.
Now Jeremiah I may have taken out of context but when the words hit you in a certain way, it’s good to pay attention. So in Jeremiah, “your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart.” I have made no secret of my struggles to find peace and quiet within myself, a place of contentment. I recall earlier days when all was well and I stayed in the Word. By concentrating my time and energy on the Word, I ceased focusing on myself and was quieter within. I was walking my journey as faithfully as humanly possible. His love was always with me. And because I was there in the Word, I had a sense of His presence. Psalm 26 says the same thing. “For your love is before my eyes; I have walked faithfully with you.”
But the surprises are not over yet: Romans 12:1 says we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. This is followed by Matthew 16 in which Jesus says, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
By denying my own needs and looking to others’ needs, I come face-to-face with God. Time and again we hear how in reaching out to others we are the ones who receive the blessing. When we serve others with the best we have then the blessing is returned to us.
Tonight the reason seems to be that I can’t see God is because I am too busy looking within for Him, into the self that is currently depressed and can’t see others. I can’t find Him in me somehow. But if I look in someone else’s eyes, it seems like it becomes easier to see my own soul mirrored there. It is easier to see God in someone else.
