Several years ago, I battled an eating disorder. Fortunately, I was among those who have been able to fight back from anorexia and regain a healthy perspective. I’ve since become a counselor who often works with others who are struggling with eating disorders. As a result, I frequently receive questions like: Is it possible to recover from anorexia? Do you still struggle with body image? With your relationship with food? With your weight?
Some people think of eating disorders in the same way that they view alcoholism. Once anorexic, always anorexic—this is the assumption. But I’m living proof that this is not the case. What’s been the secret to my success, you might ask? I don’t take the credit. You see, I believe that God has the power to change people.
If it had been left to my own will power, there’s little doubt in my mind that I would still be struggling with my obsessive behaviors. Certainly, there was an element of my recovery that required my initiative. I had to decide that I wanted to get better. But I also had to humble myself, turn to God, and ask for help. I could not do it on my own.
One of my favorite images of God is God as Creator. I believe that God has the power to create all things, including a new me. As I reflect on God as Creator, I am able to understand how He could be capable of truly transforming me. When put this way, asking the question of whether anyone could fully recover from something like an eating disorder seems almost laughable. God, the creator of all things, can most certainly create a new me with a healthy relationship with food and my body.
What I love is that there is such hope in this perspective. We’re never beyond repair. There is nothing that we can’t overcome. The key is to acknowledge where the transformation comes from. When we try to fix ourselves, we end up discouraged and defeated, stuck in the same unhealthy patterns of behavior. But when we turn to God, we can tap into a power that is beyond anything we could ever muster up for ourselves.
For example, grace was a critical factor in my recovery and was something that I never could have given myself. It was something that could only come from God. Grace is the unconditional love that God extends to us. Like many women, I am my own worst critic. I am a perfectionist, and I am harder on myself than anyone has ever been on me. And I was the hardest on myself when I was at my lowest point. My negative self-image would have undoubtedly kept me in bondage had I not been able to experience the unconditional love of God.
God’s grace has communicated to me that I am loved no matter what. I have not earned this love through my performance, but have received it as a gift. God’s grace allows me to step out of my push to be perfect and just be me. If I’m not working to earn love and acceptance, I’m freer to be myself. In experiencing God’s grace, I was able to learn to extend grace towards myself and let go of some of the unattainable standards that I had been placing on myself. Focusing on His grace began the process of transformation that I was really in need of. I learned to think of myself differently as a result of what God was teaching me through grace.
God has used a variety of different experiences to help transform my heart, and He continues to do so. That is part of what I love about the way God works. He doesn’t come down with a magic wand and fix the problem immediately. Yes, sometimes He answers more quickly than at other times, but for the most part, His work is a process. God has used a variety of different avenues (experiences, relationships, things that I have read, and “a-ha” moments) to impact the way that I feel about my body. And just when I think that I’m doing pretty well in terms of having a healthy perspective, He shows me new things that I need to let go of and new ways in which I could be more balanced in my thinking. His work is an ongoing act of transforming me into the person that I have been created to be.
