There is much talk about this book called A New Earth by Eckart Tolle In the beginning of the book he mention’s “not everyone is ready.”
This is so true but on my journey of awakening, it happened without me, being ready. You see when God calls you can’t hang up the phone. I know I tried. It was my time and I am part of this “new earth.”
I am forty-eight years old and my awakening started in 1993. I was thirty-four at the time, living in Germany with my military husband and two children. I loved living in Germany. Life was great.
The early part of 1993, my husband came home and told me he had orders to leave Germany. The army was transferring him to Colorado and we were leaving Germany in June. The moment he told me it felt like a knife went into me. I had never been to Colorado and I knew in that moment that I couldn’t go there. I knew if I went to Colorado my life was going to change. Big time!
I never thought of myself as being gifted—more as being cursed. I knew things, saw things, and could hear things that others couldn’t. I knew that many people truly couldn’t see or hear. I never thought anymore about this until this day when I knew I couldn’t go to Colorado. It was a feeling of death for me.
For the next few months, I tried to talk to my husband about not going there. I tried to tell him that he couldn’t take me there. I really couldn’t explain it to him because I really didn’t know the details myself. I started begging him not to take me to Colorado. I tried talking to friends to have them help me. But no one understood, not even me. In the end he told me, “I am going back to the states and you are going with me.” I knew there was no hope, so I did the best I could. I started preparing myself and my family to leave.
The next few months I struggled with this “knowing,” this “feeling” that I couldn’t go to Colorado. I didn’t know why I felt this way. All I knew was my life was going to change and I couldn’t shake this. I was starting to fall apart inside.
After a month in St. Louis visiting family and friends, we headed to Colorado. I remember us stopping at a gas station. My husband went in and asked for directions to the army base. I got out of the car and stood there looking around. I said out loud, “God, please don’t do this to me.”
The next three years were unbearable. I really started falling apart. I felt like I was dying inside. I was going through what this world would consider depression. I remember trying to talk to my husband, my friends and my family about how I felt but no one understood. All they would tell me is to go get help. Get some drugs. I felt like I was going to rip my skin off if I didn’t get out of Colorado. I hated it there.
Then the end of 1995, I knew it was time to leave Colorado. I had made it. I didn’t care where we got stationed at as long as I was out of Colorado. I knew if I left there I would be safe again, but then it happened. My husband came home and said, he wanted to stay another year. He and my children loved it here. Everyone was happy but me. I once again started begging him to please not leave me here. He had to get me out of Colorado. I didn’t care where we went I just needed to get out of there. Once again I tried talking to friends and all anyone said to me was, “to go get help.” Get some drugs. Long story short, he came home and said, “We are staying here so get over it.”
I then knew I had to do something with myself. I went to the doctor to get the drugs. That night, I put two pills in my hand and just looked at them. My husband said to me, “Why, won’t you take them?” I looked at him and said, “Because I will never give you a reason to take my children away from me.” In that very moment, I walked over to the toilet and poured the pills down it. That very moment I got strong. Something inside of me changed.
