I was speaking with a dear friend yesterday, and we were talking about the way we each view our own “worth” and attach it something. It’s kind of crazy when you think about it.
I have two children—LuLu and the Little Man. They are precious—they have imaginations that run wild. We play, we hop around the house like frogs, and we imagine a cafe in our backyard where we hold socials for all of our imaginary friends. I could never look at my children and attach their worth to anything.
Why is it so difficult to look in the mirror and do the same thing for ourselves?
We are all worthy.
No strings attached.
You are worthy.
I know this a hard concept to grasp, because we constantly attach strings to our worth. It is very common in society to attach a person’s “worth” to something—an experience, a situation, an outcome. Of course, when we say the words, it sounds ludicrous. But, I distinctly remember (unknowingly) doing this, and I often hear from clients (also many completely unaware) that are attaching their worth to people or things:
- The number on the scale
- The amount of money in the bank account
- The number of clients on the roster
- The way a person looks at them—whether a smile or scowl
… all of these “things” can affect our worth, which in turn affects everything else. Whether a mom is so wrapped up in her children that every last ounce of her worth is tied only to them, or a woman who is so career driven that she never sees family and holidays pass her by, or the juggling working mom who ties her worth to perfection so much that when a ball drops she runs for medicinal help or chocolate … self-worth can be a tangled mess when you attach strings to it.
Here are some questions to consider:
What happens when my children grow up?
Who am I if I lose my job?
What if my business fails?
What if I am not the size I was in college?
Am I not worthy?
Of course you are! Our essence, who we are each born to be, is not attached to any “thing.” No matter what situation life or experience throws at us, no matter what test we are given, we still are worthy. Even when we don’t feel like it, even when we want to crawl in a cave and hibernate, we are each whole, complete, capable, resourceful, talented people. But often, that picture gets muddled in the wake left behind by life’s experiences.
Let Experience Fuel and Teach
Experiences can be beyond our control. It’s hard to separate ourselves from the experience and not somewhat attach our worth to it. But we must. Experience can be used to fuel a fire for the greater good, to teach yourself something, or to teach others. Of course, we each can have moments of feeling down in the dumps. Let the moments last as long as they may, but don’t allow the experience to define you or your worth.
Remember, most of the amazing movements in the world were born out of strife, terrible experiences, that came full circle and were a catalyst for change—often unplanned, but there is a contagious energy from passion and authenticity born out of a lesson learned from a life experience.
Be Who You Were Born to Be, Do Not Focus on an “Outcome”
When we focus on “outcomes,” it affects our worth:
- Getting a promotion or not
- Opening a business or not
- Garnering approval from family or not
- Getting recognition or not
- A boyfriend loving us flawed and all or not
- And the list goes on …
All of the outcomes of these scenarios can easily affect how one feels. Thinking about the “outcomes” first, also affects the path we take. For example, in my twenties I would sometimes think, “If I wear this outfit, then tonight I will probably meet someone.” Little did I know my future husband would fall in love with me while I was wearing baggy old sweats and my hair in a knot on top of my head.
