I turned fifty-four on December eigth and all I wanted to do was cry. I am not sure if it was because I was happy to be blessed with another year or because I looked back at my life and saw everything I hadn’t accomplished. I know that is no way for a woman of faith to feel, but let’s face if ladies we do feel like giving ourselves pity parties every now and again. I guess it’s okay as long as we don’t stay there. Don’t get me wrong I am truly blessed with five of the most wonderful kid’s a parent could ask for and seven of the greatest grands anyone could hope for. As for the tears I guess I just felt as though I’ve made so many mistakes in my life I really am not where I should be in life according to society but that is where we live. In a world where success and material make us who we are or who we want others to think we are. I can rest assured that even though I have no material legacy to leave my children I have one of the most precious gifts anyone could ever leave the ones they love. The Truth. That God gave His only begotten Son so that we would be saved therefore leaving us with a responsibility to give this to those who come after us.
It hasn’t always been as easy at it sounds for me. My children were all following the wrong crowd etc. … sometimes I even felt they didn’t care much for me and I can’t say I blame them. My children as I am sure many others out there have experienced a hard life because of the choices I made for myself. It wasn’t until I truly and I mean truly began my walk with My most precious Jesus that I noticed my children, now grown, do think I am great (I’m smiling). I remember trying to make them feel what I felt and tried to jam all of Jesus in them so that they would not make the same mistakes that I did.
The ordeal began after my divorces and I had no where else to turn. I found purpose again and wanted better for my children than I had. Three of my children are married and have families of their own and the other two are eighteen and fifteen. After years of pain and suffering I am so happy to say that we are all walking with Jesus wherever He leads. I guess you all know that my trying to force the kids to believe was not the reason they came to Christ. Well so much for not accomplishing much, huh. I have accomplished one of the most difficult task in life. Giving my life to God has brought me to a place and time in my life that I wouldn’t change for anything in this world. I, as many of us are, am living proof that God does not leave us to fix our own messes. Nothing is too big for our God to fix. Granted it may be altered from the original plan He had intended for us, thanks to our hands on in trying to do it our way. God is still a God of miracles a Gracious loving and kind God. A God of forgiveness. In this I find my comfort. I am blessed to be watching the change that God has done and is still doing in my children and my grandchildren, it is truly amazing. I gave them back and He led them in. Giving their lives freely to the One True Hope in life, Our God.
I have to say that I thought watching the birth of my children and grandchildren was one of the happiest times in my life but watching them be born again in Jesus is truly the most amazing miracle I have witnessed in my life. I know from this generation there has been a turning point in this family and the negative things of the past will no longer have a hold of this family. It took someone to stand up for Jesus and although I was not happy to leave my catholic family traditions, something inside kept leading me away. It wasn’t easy and as I stated I made many mistakes but it was surely worth it.
