If you are suffering from the loss of a loved one, may I offer my deepest sympathy and understanding of shared pain? I believe it is healthy, very healthy, to allow yourself to feel the intensity of the pain from your loss. This is how you will heal. Quickly forgive those around you who may look at you as though you’ve lost your mind. Breathe deeply, cry, rest, eat properly, move about, and talk with God. Scream at Him if you need too. If you cannot utter a prayer or praise of any sort … that’s OK too. Just know this … that this grieving process will be horrible and precious at the same time. You are closer to God’s heart at this moment than ever before.
Do not be surprised when the pain holds on a very long time … maybe years. Take time away from others to really let it out! It will be necessary to express the pain and it will relieve the stress. I found it to be hard work, to be around others … even in church … especially in church. No one realizes the amount of effort it takes to maintain control of your emotions in public after the death of someone close to you. God will be your greatest ally, but if you can find a grief support group, that would be good too.
Just in case there is anyone else out there who questions his or her sanity like I did, I want to tell you what I learned. I need you to know that your feelings are normal … and should be expected. Your loss of clear thinking and motivation is normal. It can take years before you see value in the worldly and daily happenings again. Eventually you will gain a new and broader understanding of the spiritual world where God rules and reigns. This will give you an eternal perspective … this is good. Be comforted by the knowledge that life will improve … not instantly, but gradually. You may not even recognize the progress until you are beyond the process. Trust me on this … in time it will make some sense; you will grow in the knowledge of the Father; and Jesus will give you supernatural glimpses of His never-ending love. He will lavish on you what you need and what you cannot get anywhere else! He needs you to know that He is all you need … and you can live through this loss. Believe me … you will even be a better person after enduring and over-coming.
I must stress again the need to forgive those who offer absurd comments and advice but who are not yet acquainted with grief. It is not programmed into their spirit yet and they cannot be expected to understand the extent of your sorrow. You must forgive quickly when others access your situation wrongly. I know I accessed and judged wrongly before I’d experienced real grief. Forgive … for they know not of what they speak. They have not been where you are in your grief. Do not hold it against them.
Get ready to learn what God will teach you through your loss. Most importantly, get ready to experience closeness with God like you’ve never experienced before! Get ready for spiritual insights and dreams and whispers and even shouts from the heart of God. All this takes place without you even realizing it, for you may actually feel like God has left you and forsaken you … but the opposite is true.
I had a choice to make after the death of my daughter and the death of her dreams and the death of her belief in a God who heals. I was severely and utterly disappointed and shocked by a God who let us all down. I could have laid down my crown forever. I could have left my faith in the garbage can of lost causes. I could have rolled up into a ball of pain and never returned to sanity. But my God is faithful, patient, and above all good. He did not leave me. He held me as I cried and He collected every tear. He cried too! My Jesus wept! He preserved my faith until I was ready to see it for what it was and what it would become … a remarkable, unmarketable faith … and that is another story.
