I know that everyone dreams of finding a love that will last. A love with a personal connection, someone who you can trust, and finally, have peace in your life that will add a spark or give you a drive to build upon your goals, security, and to be free from worry. Well, friends I am one of those, who almost drove myself crazy, trying to do just that. I have been married six times, and either by my bad decisions, or through being misled, left a path of destruction, heartaches, and a feeling of being an all out failure. Each time one would fall through, my own self esteem went with it. Each time I thought I found that perfect one, and tried each time to do the things I may have neglected with the last.
Yes, morally this was wrong through the eyes of a Christian. But I just knew, I did not want to be alone, I wanted a life like that of my Grandparents who lived fifty-nine years together. Now, here I am going on forty-three years of my life and to look back on the life I may have wasted foolishly, making this a soul-found goal. And as I do look back, I realize, I had someone all the time, waiting patiently for me to just slow down and I stopped in my tracks. Oh, the shame I felt when God opened my eyes, to the love I had all the time. He was the one who gave me the strength to face a new day after a long night of being beat to every inch of my life. He blessed me by providing my needs. I didn't have to ever go hungry or worry where I was gonna lay my head because he sheltered me through the love of my family and friends. When I see my kids and my grandbabies, I see his blessings and a reason to smile, to be thankful that they are healthy, and that no matter, what I’ve done they loved me unconditionally.
I found that my friendship with my kids could not ever be replaced. I was fortunate. I was shocked to find that I was so addicted and fixed upon finding that someone that would never leave me. It blinded me to the blessings that were there all the time. This was not only ruining my life, it was an obsession that was driving me crazy. If I focused myself on pleasing God, as I did on keeping a man happy, who knows where, my life could’ve been by now. But they say you’re never too old to learn, how true. But I’ll take my downfalls as a victory lap, because now, I know I have found the love I have needed. I believe he will guide me and I can trust him because he has never left me, even when I was unlovable, he still Loved me.
He loves all his children and if we stop just for a second and see the new mornings when he kisses your face with the light of his sunshine. If you have your little family that looks to you, look deeper, and see the miracle of his love through their eyes, as they turn to you. Pray for the ones you love and find that most destruction that comes, are by our own hands sometimes, and yes, not everyone has that fortune. I will keep you in my prayers, I may not know you but God does. May God’s wonders make a path of light to guide you, In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
