Last night, I hit rock bottom.
Let me explain:
Feeling sorry for myself because I/we do not have all the things I wish we did, I was discouraged, angry and bitter at the “fates.” Why don’t I have money; why does it have to be this way? If I don’t have this (or anything else I want), RIGHT NOW, I will DIE!
The irony is, that is the truth. I WAS dying. Inside of my soul, I carried around anger, bitterness, fear, anxiety; all the things that create an atmosphere of chaos—both internally and externally. In such a state of mind, I was committing “soul-suicide.” Then, I read a marvelous little book called The Gift of Inner Peace, by James Allen. I looked at the title, thinking: “If there’s anything I need more, it’s inner peace.” To find that, with the help of a Higher Power I would have to go deep within myself, find out what is in there, and get rid of the things I believed were ruining my life. But, how? Wasn’t my mantra “I am what I am; nothing more, nothing less”? I was stuck with this garbage; wasn’t I?
To quote James Allen: “You say you are chained by circumstances; you cry out for better opportunities, for a wider scope, for improved physical conditions, and perhaps you inwardly curse the fate that binds you hand and foot”... that was me. Self-pity; life will always be this way. It will, if I THINK it will: “... By your very attitude of mind you are strengthening the chains which bind you, and are drawing about you the darkness by which you are enveloped”. Pretty scary stuff. But then he states: ALTER YOUR OUTLOOK UPON LIFE, AND YOUR OUTWARD LIFE WILL ALTER” (emphasis mine).
Really? What freedom! No, it’s not easy to change, but what was my alternative? There were, inevitably, only two choices: stay the way I am-was!-and be forever miserable; or make an abrupt U-turn, and act on-the realization that things aren’t going to be any different unless I start thinking about life in a perspective other than the one I had been, up til then. Here is the liberating phrase, for me: “You may bring about that improved condition in your outward life which you desire, if you will unswervingly resolve to improve your inner life” (italics are his).
That was it. I am truly beginning to “see” that the mind and soul are one; that we DO shape our lives by the thoughts that we think. If I do not like my outer life, I can change it by how I think—about it, others, life in general. If you catch yourself saying negative things, as I have, stop! Think about what was just said, and say to yourself: “Is that what I really think/ is the outcome what I want to have happen?
There is no other way. Not for me; and, if you are living in the gall of inner agony, not for you, either. There IS a better way. You don’t have to accept the “bad” messages you’ve been given and/or come to believe about yourself; think of the source(s). You CAN choose, and you have the POWER to change both yourself, and your life. By changing your inner self, your thoughts/words, you will change your life. All it takes is choosing to. Just one or two words turned around from negative to positive, can make a difference. Even the smallest change is a beginning. Like me, you will begin to find liberation in everything. Once you change your mindset and resolve to look at life in a better light, your mind will be clearer; freer to either find a way to improve your outer circumstances, or calm enough to wait out the storm. I have found this to be true; I would not say it, if I didn’t. Even changing the phrasing of these sentences, from negative, past tense to present (happier) tense, is making a difference in me; even right now!
