Intro. This being my first article, I ought to warn the reader that I will be talking about my life (however boring or pretentious it may seem), and so to please cease when the first stirrings of hate or barfing arise, whichever comes first.
Oh well. Here goes ...
When I was young I always knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I’d grab all the scattered crayons I could find and melt them using a candle and a bottle cap and I’d imagine wearing a lab coat and saying to the rest of the world: “I am a scientist.” But then I also had this other thing for animals, where, I would bring home any stray kitten or puppy I could find, much to my mother’s tearful pride and my father’s (sad to say) consternation. I had this 1 x 1 meter plot of the largest home lizard cemetery there ever was, complete with crosses and special flat marble pieces for the baby lizards. These lizard bodies were tenderly packed in tissue-lined matchboxes and buried with a tear or two. Every single one of them. So, I guess looking back, I would’ve been a budding veterinarian.
However, and only by accident, I also realized my passion for music. I was made to sing as part of one of the town’s major events as the angel to present the Virgin Mary with a crown of roses. This angel will be required to sing solo a stanza of “Regina Coeli” in front of the whole town a capella. Well, dear readers, I’m shamefaced to say I was the first one, the only one, who did not sing solo. The music teacher just did not feel that it was right to expose our town to a new rendition of that beautiful traditional song. I remember him shaking his said and telling my mom, “Your daughter does now sing the tune, she makes her own tune!” From that point on, I guessed I had a penchant for writing songs.
And so, I grew up, elementary sped by and I spent most of my high school doing extracurricular activities. Oh, I aced my math and English subjects but that’s about the only thing that interested me in academics. I loved participating in plays. Not onstage but as part of the crew, or the chorus or even just singing the invocation with three other close friends in perfect harmony. And then senior year, we had our career day. And I found out about it only the day before. (Too much extracurricular stuff, I know, I know.) And so, I ... almost ... freaked ... out.
I never realized my friends knew what they wanted to do after high school. I never wanted high school to end! So I forced myself to calm down and think. Think, Siren. Think! What’s the job you’ll most likely love? But I couldn’t figure, like, I literally had no idea what I wanted to be! And so the day finally started and I saw this one room that had a sign saying, “Computer Science.” Hey, not such a bad idea! Computers were still new that time, I mean we had computer classes but we were one of the first and I had a pretty good idea that being a computer scientist doesn’t have anything involving uniforms, and I (dramatic sigh) detest uniforms. One of human nature’s ways of having everyone conform and yours truly does not like to conform. So I attended the lecture, signed up sheets, and took the university entrance test. And, like everything that happens in real life, it came out the way I least expected it: I enrolled and took a major in math. I totally blame the department head for this, “Since you got such an excellent score in math, I would sincerely encourage you to try this for a year, blah, blah, blah.” Well after a year, I hated it. I just wasn’t into it. And furthermore, by this time I also realized I might graduate and work in a bank or teach a class and all things pointed to office and a UNIFORM. I had to get out of this and fast!
And so I signed up for a major in marine biology, which isn’t so bad unless you’re scared of the ocean, which I was, and so people ended up either thinking I was stupid or unbelievingly brave. I most definitely prefer the latter. I didn’t even know how to swim, for Pete’s sake!
Ten years later, present time, I am now what people call “a person with five dogs and a hamster named Moby Dick, who gets paid to scuba dive and travel, with fifty or so songs in her name and occasionally performs with her boyfriend in an acoustic band, who also has commendable skills in two major computer operating systems, while sometimes wishing she was living the life of Hannah Montana.” Hmm. So now, I ask myself: “Am I living my dream? Or, did I leave my dream?”
I have to say, though, I am happy. My loved one is a saint. And my family? Gift from God. My friends give new meaning to the word friends. And our pets, well, they’re more family than pets now, so ...
I feel great. Life is beautiful, life sucks, life can be vile, but ... I guess it depends on which side of life you want to dwell on. If you’re happy, then you’re living your dream.
Now, I’m throwing it back at you:
Are you living or leaving your dreams?
