Cupid, that pesky little urchin, finds great glee from striking his arrow through your heart- especially when you are on the road. Beware! His antics may cause you to think you’ve found the love of your life. In reality, it may be something else.
This scenario could happen anywhere in the world: It’s almost Valentine’s Day. You are in Paris, the city of love, and you can’t stop thinking about him after your meeting at that romantic little café on the Champs Elysee last weekend. The phone rings. What if it’s HIM? You spot a car that might be his in the parking lot, and your heart pounds uncontrollably. Unexpectedly, he shows up at that little cafe, all alone. You almost drop your cappuccino. Did you mention you were coming here today? You desperately try to think of what to say. Hey, how’s it going? (Too American.) Hello—I didn’t know you were coming here today? (Lame.) Bonjour! (You’re kidding me.) You are awkward and tongue-tied. You are dizzy and high. You ask yourself: What’s the MATTER with me?
Whether you are seventeen or ninety-seven, there is NOTHING the matter with you. Like many women, you are simply, solidly in lust—doing what we all do, at any age, when a captivating new man enters our lives and new romance blossoms. The secret is to recognize this passion and obsession as infatuation. Don’t mistake it for love.
Relationships—and all their sexual, sensual, and obsessive fascinations—come in four distinct flavors: Interest, Intrigue, Infatuation, and Love. They don’t necessarily happen together, or in a given order. Each can stand alone. Each has its own challenges. As a woman traveler, you need to know the relationship terrain of where you are—and how to handle it.
When traveling, Infatuation gets red flagged. It’s the biggest trickster of all. It feels like love. It acts like love. It will give you lots of fun, but also the most trouble, and the biggest heartbreak.
Interest begins with a first glance. If that first eye contact lasts more than five seconds, you’ve said, “I’m interested.” Try it. Flirting begins here with a whole cadre of signals—one of which, surprisingly, is to look down bashfully after that five-second look—then look up again and smile. Interest is piqued, and you’re on your way to the beginning of a new relationship, a strong friendship or dating.
Intrigue is based on pure desire, nothing else. Ever made eye contact with someone and instantly felt that electric buzz? That’s hot intrigue. You can scarcely help yourself. It’s strong. It’s physical. It’s a heat-seeking missile. It’s a one-night stand. If you already have a partner, it can mean real trouble unless you ignore it.
Love-true mature love, not romantic love, is slow developing over time, energizing, dependable and supportive. In real love, you don’t need to be constantly together because your trust level is unquestioned. Just like everything else at the true love stage, sex becomes safe and comfortable. It’s very normal for partners in long-term love relationships to long for the return of the passion and romance found in Infatuation. For their relationship to survive, they must work out how to re-inject intimacy and excitement back into their lives.
Our smitten lady at the beginning is solidly in Infatuation. She may think she is in love, but she’s in lust. Like Intrigue, she’s emotionally and sexually on fire. But, beyond the one night stand of intrigue, she wants a deeper relationship. She thinks about him 24/7. She exhausts her friends’ patience talking about him. If and when they get together, the fires burn hot. They are inseparable. They have a favorite song. The list of things-in-common is mind-boggling. Does it mean she has met the love of her life, the father of her children, the long awaited soul mate?
The answer is a cautious maybe. Infatuation is an intense, time-limited state of affairs. The good news is that infatuation is necessary and wonderful—flooding you with endorphins and pleasure hormones that make the world a beautiful, exhilarating place. As it evolves, this is romance at its best. It’s fuel for romantic poets and sages. At Valentine’s Day, when all the hearts and flowers and music are warm and wonderful to receive, you fall easily.
