As an international student in America, I have heard countless accounts about American tourists and travelers. Although I have been living in America for a long time now, I have made a number of observations about American tourists in America and around the world as I travel. There are more than seven Americans the world loves, but for the purpose of this post, I want to talk about the seven American travelers the world despises.
1. The “In Dire Need of a Gastric Bypass” Tourist: Americans love traveling and enjoy spreading those weak dollars around in pursuit of happiness. Unfortunately, most Americans with that kind of cash tend to be obese. And they only speak English, making the French wary and the Moroccans who speak English wealthy in the process. Those tourists spent a great chunk of their time abroad looking for a restroom and, yes, they will take pictures of those tiny Johns and upload them on their Facebook page. These tourists often have the American embassy on speed dial. They travel in packs and are easy to spot—even someone who is visually impaired can recognize them from a distance. They are a perfect target for traveler scams as their negligence and behavior scream “Rob me please!”
2. The Curiously Strong-Smelling Activist: This type can be found anywhere in the world where there is trouble, or anywhere Starbucks buys coffee beans. Coffee. They care enough about the world to stop caring about how awful they smell, leaving a bad taste and a bad stench wherever they may go The smelly activist is more hardcore rebellion and local culture (even though the locals are abandoning their culture for a Cowboys football jersey and a Coke Zero. For example, when a local boy sports a Nike shoe, the smelly activist gets offended at the prospect that the very child making the shoes has the audacity to wear them. Additionally, these activists absolutely love to blog and toot their own horn. But nothing comes as natural to them as talking shit about The Man! Unless it’s smelling like crap. They really need to learn that smelling like crap does not equal fighting the power. Unless by “power” they mean “legal human sanitary standards.”
3. The Thai-Special Lover: They love Asia and Latin America, they tend to be older, middle-class, heart-of-America types, and they’ve have had some trouble with the law back at home. So, rather than dealing with their questionable underage preferences, they abandon the motherland and seek those outlawed pleasures in other countries, such as Thailand, home of the Big Mac (if by that we mean “gross sex trafficking of women and children”). They can often be found in the world’s poor shanty towns where unassuming peasants do not question their odd behavior and their excessive love for little children. They will tell you they are researching a book on “development,” yet are unable to compose a single coherent sentence given the nature of their problem as “premature.” Creepy indeed. This tourist also comes in a U.K. version.
